06-30-2013, 02:34 AM
CHAPTER 43 - DEM CHASE SCENES
Raiden and SERIOUSLY THOUGH were riding over the overpass now in Raiden's motorized tricycle, Raiden still wary of possible observers, SERIOUSLY sitting in the sidecar, mumbling something about oranges unintelligibly. The tricycle, while fast, was noticeably loud, the engine was spitting pixels everywhere. "Piece of shit," Raiden grumbled in a grumbled fashion "I'm prayin' to space cow that this thing holds together until we get to the compound, how're you hanging in?" SERIOUSLY mumbled something about bananas now, moving up in the fruit-tier ladder. "Dammit man, why do you always talk in those stupid fucking rhymes anyways?" Raiden asked, obviously irritated with the absurdity of it. SERIOUSLY snapped at this point, not mentally or as severely as the other mods, but nonetheless he snapped at his driver. "Why, why do I bear this curse? It's is because of that HAG and her filthy fucking purse! That monster and her warped bag of tricks, never removing those chickeny kicks. SHE caused this atrocity, SHE's ravaged this city! She needs to be stopped, she needs to be banned, Her head to be lopped and her ass too be canned!" he screamed, disorienting Raiden and almost causing a tricycle accident on the bridge. "Shit man, quiet down, they might hear you!" he respond, but it was too late.
The roar could be heard from miles away, at first it was only a few bloodcurdling screeches, then they turned into thousands. An enormous wave of the most ungodly, primal screams you've ever heard. Then the shock wave, looking behind him, Raiden saw one of the most horrifying sights he'd ever seen. An enormous flock of Cuccos flying towards them at breakneck speeds down the bridge. "Shit!" Raiden exclaimed, "Keep low and brace for impact!" SERIOUSLY barely heeded this information in time, ducking just as a Cucco whizzed right over his head. There were Cuccos coming from the sides at this time in addition to the massive wave straight behind them, Cuccos from every corner of the city were flocking to them, SERIOUSLY had become a beacon (OH THE PUNS) for the entire species. "It's right over the brid--- SHIT!" Raiden yelled.
The bridge had been sliced, a clean cut right through the center, and the compound was on the other side. At this point, I find it wise to inform the reader that this bridge was a good 126 feet above ground in the city, and decrepit as it was, it had held up without issue for years. Someone cut this massive concrete bridge on purpose.
There was a diagonal piece of plywood facing the gap. "Hold on man!" Raiden screamed, the Cuccos gaining on them. Lining up his tricycle to the ramp, he charged it at full speed, screaming something akin to "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHGGGGGGG" while approaching it, launching his magical friendship bike over the gap, steering them to safety within the shelter and enjoying a nice s'mores upon arrival.
Hah, I'm just messing with you, no they missed. Horribly.
Raiden HAD successfully launched his scooter off of the plank, but for those of you without a comprehension of the basic laws of physics, in a nutshell, they don't work like this.
They smashed into the ground, thankfully the tricycle's Ford Patented safety bubble™ prevented
the impact from obliterating their spinal cords on impact. That being said, Raiden's legs were in no condition to walk, and SERIOUSLY had to drag him out of the wreckage.
They were under the bridge now, SERIOUSLY had hid with Raiden inside of a dark sewer grate, laying Raiden's body in the shit stream on the ground next to him, letting him soak in the wonderful flavor rest.
This was all happening while Jiraiya was walking nearby, he preferred to stick to the low ground ever since the incident, since Cuccos mainly preferred to patrol the skies. His new implants allowed him to sense Tricycles in danger from miles away, so he was able to find the crash, and with the trail of urine, find Raiden and SERIOUSLY hiding in the gutter.
SERIOUSLY saw him come in, this cyborg without a fucking mouth, and showed little reaction. He recognized him as Jiraiya from the earlier days of the forum, and figured that if this guy was going to kill them, he would've done it already. Jiraiya just sat there looking at them for a while, then SERIOUSLY let out a chuckle. "You were my roommate, weren't you chick-bait?" he said, now laughing audibly. The joke wasn't even that good, and he knew it, but dammit the coincidental nature of it was palatable. Jiraya started chuckling at this too, or at least his horrific, mouthless version of a chuckle. Even Raiden, barely conscious, started cracking up. Everyone was laughing now, seriously, it was hilarious, he happened to get a roomate who happened to be an old friend who happened to track them down to their very hiding spot! It was a riot!
"Wait a sec, what the feck." SERIOUSLY THOUGH suddenly said, all traces of humor gone from his expression. "This isn't right, this is too much, someone's here to fight, and he doesn't drive clutch." "What do *COUGH SOUND EFFECT* you mean, man?" Raiden managed, still in terrible pain , but awake nonetheless. "It's too perfect, too clean, something here is mean. He found us, he did, in this remote sewer of horse sid. Someone wanted us all here, oh dear, oh dear." SERIOUSLY managed, crawling towards the grate. Trying to re-open it, unsuccessfully. "Oh crap, Jiraiya activated the trap." SERIOUSLY said again, as a pair of yellow, mechanical eyes became visible through the darkness in the back of the sewer. "Who, who wanted us in this very spot, just so all of us could get shot?" He struggled again as the eyes grew in intensity.
"Sir Petie?" A short guy in spandex nervously asked after entering an office high rise. "Yes retrolink, what is it?" The figure responded, puffing on a cigar as he did "The... the three are all ready, shall we begin the extraction?" retrolink said, shaking even more nervously in preparation for the answer.
"Yes, begin the procedure, we need that specimen before she can get her stinky chicken-licking hands on him." Petie answered, looking out of the window of Petie Brand Bridge Explosives, Remote Sewer Grate Maintenance and Light Sundries™
EL FIN