What the heck is this "dancing" thing and how do I do it?

[SERIOUSLY THOUGH*]

I could teach you a few moves but we have 3 problums

1. I would need to be there in person to guide you and show you the steps.
   
2. I have a problum danceing with other dudes. I just find it weird.
   
3. You have no feet.
   

You've seemingly never been to a salsa class with more guys than girls.
You gotta get in touch with your feminine side or you ain't dancin'.