08-13-2014, 09:14 PM
(08-12-2014, 12:48 AM)Arjahn Wrote: SERIOUSLY and Jiraya were lost, broken and despaired. The Raiden incident had only happened a few hours ago, but to them it seemed like at least nine months COUGH COUGH. "Water, I need water if this day is walk is to be any longer." SERIOUSLY said, dragging his charred legs on the crumbling husk of a roadway. "ACCORDING TO MY COOLMAPS 4 KIDS!™ PROGRAM, WE'RE STILL WITHIN THE OUTER LIMITS OF THE FORUM." Jiraya exclaimed in his newly-Hawkened voice pack. All around them, sporatic bits of text and pixels could be seen whizzing around in bizarre directions.
"Hey Jiraya," SERIOUSLY began, "According to this flya', someone posted about DRM servers hosted. Sim City? Well that sounds downright shitty. What's the haps with all of these screen caps?". "I DO NOT KNOW" Jiraya exclaimed with a sigh of either Mid-90's alternative rock or disappointment. "WAIT, I HAVE LOCATED A TAPE WITH INFORMATION ON THE FORUM STRUCTURE, PERHAPS IT COULD PROVIDE SOME CLARITY." The synthetic creature reached into his kneecap, seemingly feeling no pain from the motion, and produced a cassette tape labled "Forum Origins/Turtle Mating Rituals". The second he popped it into his lower spinal column, a routine procedure of course, a static-sounding news reel began to play through the speakers located in Jiraya's left ass cheek and right face cheek accordingly.
"More on the tragic ThePlainGamer murder-suicide at eleven. On a slightly brighter note, we now turn our faces towards this proud forums half-quarter birthday. Head Anchor ShadeDBZ has the story" a female newscaster read with discernibly false interest in the matter. "Thanks Tigerlilly, now we all know that the VGFacts forum has a proud history of people kind of talking about videogames and mostly complaining about remakes and why EA is almost as bad as Hitler, but what many of us don't know, is how the forums structure themselves. As you can see by this hastily constructed news graphic, as new posts are created, old ones are shoved outwards, creating the Forum Circles.
Take, for example, one of the earlier posts in which this weirdo with a Furret avatar whined about the forum colors. Sure it started out in the Alpha Circle, when the forums were first created and just about anything could make it to the top, but as time moves on and the public's focus shifts to hilarious comics about Nintendo characters, this old post needs to be put out to pasture, otherwise the circles would become clogged and unstable. Thankfully, city engineer and renowned bridge demolisher Petie devised an ingenious method of organizing these would-be obstacles. Now whenever a new post is created, a specialized team of officials rates the content, determining its potential for discussion and placing it in its appropriate circle. Fantastic posts, such as Petie Gets Married or Bridge Demolition 101 with Petie guest starring Christian Slater with great promises for discussion are obviously placed in the Alpha Circle. Alright posts, such as Check out this Zelda thing! or What's your favorite game/movie/protagonist/antagonist/user/bathrobe/fruit/person/religiousoligarchy... with moderate potential for discussion, are placed in Circle 2. Posts with very little potential, such as "Did nintendo really kill my dad and if not why won't dad come home :( are sorted into The Circle The Third; and garbage posts with spam or complete nonsense, such as Help I think Petie sent his goons to my house and The sorting system is rig---- are placed in Quadrilateral Circle."
"Thanks to this brilliant method of filtering content, the Administrators can easily allocate resources to appropriately buzzing portions of the forums, saving users on both time and hassle. With the 7:37 News at Eleven, I'm I.C. Weiner." he finished, taking an enormous gulp of air. "Thanks Dick, next up, is Cancer really that bad if you get a cool haircut with it? The answer may surprise you!"
BZZZT. Jiraya popped out the tape, carefully placing it back in the porno-stash located behind his patella. " Well that would explain it, at least a tid bit." SERIOUSLY began with another terrific line, "We're in the outermost circle, torn and in shambles. With nothing but old post about Urkle and Donkey Kong's Brambles".
They began to take in their surroundings more thoroughly now, decrepit buildings and poorly maintained roads as far as the eye (or robotic magic eight ball socket for that matter) could see. The grim dust of desolation and poverty coated everything in a grime of despair, broken street signs in the lawns of houses with boarded windows. "Geeze, everyone must've bolted from here like mucus from a sneeze." SERIOUSLY remarked, taking in a breath of oily air. "CONFIRMED, NO LIFE SIGNS DETECTED WITHIN RANGE. NO HUMANS, ASTRONOMIC BOVINES OR CUCCOS." Jiraya remarked after his WondeRadar™ had completed its scan.
They continued down the road in relative silence for hours, making idle chit chat about Pokemon and the ethical ramifications of removing Jiraya's soul from his corporeal being, when all of a sudden the cyborg's patented Mountain Dew Skeleton-Locator™ began to buzz "Woah dude, looks like someone forgot to take his daily dose of vitamin-DEW!" the ad said, pointing towards a decrepit pink house.
While the exterior of the building looked like some humorous analogy for poop, with graffiti spelling out "FURRET LOV3R" encompassing the walls, the inside was quite the refreshing change in atmosphere. It was fairly clean and sterile, you know, aside from the rotting corpse on the ground next to a plate of some delicious pastry. "Oh my, looks as though someone had a little too much pie" SERIOUSLY said, leaning in to examine the body. Jiraya, meanwhile, wandered through the house, which was surprisingly barren for how well maintained it appeared to be. As he meandered from room to useless room, he finally reached the master bedroom, and on the bed layed an enormous leather-bound book with a red, ominous comic-sans title.
THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF ARJAHN
ALSO KNOWN AS ARJAHN AND THE SORCERER'S STONE
There needs to be some artwork of this.