07-29-2016, 06:32 AM
The first Witcher is one of the most unintentionally funniest games I've played in a long time.
Geralt is like someone who has been sent from the future to the past and knows everything about this time period and is bored by everything with his monotonous voice. Everyone around him still believes in fairy tales and hates Witcher's, so everything he does is just accompanied by this guy who doesn't want to be here, doing things he doesn't want to do, for people who hate him all for the sake of completing a game I don't really want to complete.
One time, I had to prove that a Witch was not the cause of these ghost dogs appearing at night and was actually due to the misdeeds that the people around the town were doing. When they all group up to kill her with their reasons, Geralt has done enough quests to know that the town is fucking awful, and he just out right says it. He doesn't beat around the bush, or try and whisper it to people in exchange for it. He just tells them that people of this town have raped others, the reverend hides it, as well as steal children to sell them to the bad guys of the game, and other stupid things.
Another time, I'm invitied to this party I didn't want to go to, and while walking around and asking about the Princess, I ask if anything is wrong with her and the person I ask just tells me "Someone needs to lay her down, good" and Geralt is just like "....riiiiight"
And don't even get me started on how I just randomly walk into sex. Like seriously, you can do it at the start of the game pretty much, after walking around and talking to like the first woman you see, it just happens. Other times I just give women stuff and they just have sex with Geralt.
Geralt is like someone who has been sent from the future to the past and knows everything about this time period and is bored by everything with his monotonous voice. Everyone around him still believes in fairy tales and hates Witcher's, so everything he does is just accompanied by this guy who doesn't want to be here, doing things he doesn't want to do, for people who hate him all for the sake of completing a game I don't really want to complete.
One time, I had to prove that a Witch was not the cause of these ghost dogs appearing at night and was actually due to the misdeeds that the people around the town were doing. When they all group up to kill her with their reasons, Geralt has done enough quests to know that the town is fucking awful, and he just out right says it. He doesn't beat around the bush, or try and whisper it to people in exchange for it. He just tells them that people of this town have raped others, the reverend hides it, as well as steal children to sell them to the bad guys of the game, and other stupid things.
Another time, I'm invitied to this party I didn't want to go to, and while walking around and asking about the Princess, I ask if anything is wrong with her and the person I ask just tells me "Someone needs to lay her down, good" and Geralt is just like "....riiiiight"
And don't even get me started on how I just randomly walk into sex. Like seriously, you can do it at the start of the game pretty much, after walking around and talking to like the first woman you see, it just happens. Other times I just give women stuff and they just have sex with Geralt.