This Sucks - the thread

[Mass Distraction]

For all the new members, here's a copy paste of my rant on Resident Evil: Missions from the "worst game" thread.

Spoiler

Resident Evil: Missions

I can usually tolerate games that are considered "bad" but holy shit, this game must've been programmed by Satan himself to torture all the gamers and game developers in the deepest pits of Hell. Thankfully I paid nothing for this game (downloaded it free for my cell, sue me) and if I had, I would've propably demanded my money back for a faulty product.

The controls suck, which makes your character (Jill) run in a completely wrong direction half of the time. You press up, the game thinks about it for a second, starts moving left and ends up in a 360 running towards the enemies.

The stages are just horrible rips of the RPD rooms with crappy resolution. The camera never changes when you're in a room so you might just get stuck in the corner of a table even if there clearly was more room in the place and you have to go around it. Because of the horrifyingly bad resolution it's almost impossible to know where anything is and depth perception is pretty much non-existent, making it so that if you run to a door its actual location could be three feet away. Just where the wall should be.

The enemies have less intelligence than a mexican jumping bean, which pretty much means that you could be giving them a blowjob and be on with your life before they even realize anything happened. If you do, however, get grabbed by one of these things, you could just as well restart the level (though I don't see why you would do anything than just delete this game). There's no real explanation on how to escape the grasp of an enemy (believe me, I tried everything from single buttons to mashing them all to doing nothing) and getting away seems to be based on pure luck. In addition to the extremely braindead, there's Nemesis. He does run faster than you like he did in RE3 but more often than not he gets stuck in something or runs around in circles. One (and the only) funny moment happened when me (because of the controls), two zombies and Nemesis were all running around in pointless circles.

The gameplay, in addition to the controls, of this game is... I actually have no idea. The whole thing is based on missions (no real story there) that you do and you can actually choose paths in the mission menu. All of the stages are time based so you have to be quick if you want to survive. Actually you have to be precise to the very last second, which means it's trial and error which in turn means you'll be doing the same thing again and again, a lot. Like you wanted to, anyway. Seriously, no matter how fast you did everything, especially in the later levels, you'll always be on your last second when you finish. You do get a 5 second time bonus for killing a zombie but because of the absolutely ridiculous hit detection (if there even is any) it will take you about 10 bullets (which is pretty much all you'll find anyway) to kill one. All this took more than 10 seconds. I didn't even bother with the "knife only, kill everything" stages. Those also feature Nemesis, by the way.

The graphics are pain for your eyes. I'm no graphics whore, far from it, but these were the blockiest graphics I have ever seen and the polygon sprites had three frames of animation at best. I can see that they tried to export everything from the PS that they could on a cellular based platform but this only brings me to one question: why the fuck would you even try that?

This game was a complete fuckfest to beat. Yes, I beat the game... after having it for over a year on my cell, taunting me with its horribleness. It's one of my greatest achievements in the history of Resident Evil. There's still a dozen more paths to try but I would never even consider torturing myself like that. I'd rather have needles stuck to my eyeballs. If you're a complete masochist and love to play the shittiest games ever conceived by man, this is the one for you... or what the heck, who am I to say, this game could as well have been programmed by a bunch of trained rats.

Note, that this is only the first game in a series of five games total. Would I want to try the others in hopes it might get better? I'd rather get run over by a lawnmover. One of those five games is a 2D version of this same game, while the one I played is the 3D version. The rest are Stories, Operations and Episodes. God only knows why this pile of doodoo got made into a series, let alone had another version. Someone should have at least tested the game before it getting released and my condolences to the people who actually paid for this. In the end, this game is more like a test build of an alpha version of a tech demo.

You know what.... I take back what I said earlier. A bunch of trained rats could've done better.

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Aside from that I could say Ninja Gaiden 3 for PS3. That game did just about everything wrong and I hate Team Ninja for it. I'm so glad they're not the only ones working on Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z so that game actually might have a chance. The team got split anyway so maybe it's a good thing? Only time will tell. Aaaaanyway, to the game. Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 improved on pretty much everything from the first game, aside from the surprisingly easy final boss. Ninja Gaiden 3... Well, they went and stripped every single gameplay mechanic from the game, making it basically an interactive movie, and not even a good one at that. Skills, unlockable weapons, shops, experience points and money, gathering mana, spells, intriguing combos, upgrades, secrets, different paths, extra characters, enemy variation, difficulty... Every, single, thing. They took it all away and for what? So we could focus on the story that was propably one of the stupidest things ever concieved by man? It was so cliché that it basically out-clichéd every cliché ever and made no sense whatsoever about 99% of the time. I have no idea what they were thinking when they literally stripped everything from the game that actually made it, you know, a game. What was once known as the hardest game series ever was now just slapping one button to kill the same exact enemy model for hundreds of times. Sure, they added a few new enemies near the end but then they just recycled those for the rest of the time. The bosses were boring and required no thinking at all. They even took away the boss health bar so at points I wasn't even sure if I was making any damage to a boss that just lied there and didn't seem to even care for the attacks. "Just hit it until it's dead" seemed to be the main focus here. Even the only character that I actually liked, Theodore, managed to turn himself into yet another stupid cliché at the end. Honestly, I'd rather take that disappointment of a prize from a hard as hell side quest with a bad character from the first Sigma (which was a new hairstyle) over this crime against the gaming community. I normally don't listen to reviewers but this was one game I should've taken the hint at. The new version (that apparently improved nothing), Razor's Edge is out I hear. I also hear that there's going to be yet another upgrade, Ninja Gaiden Sigma 3. They failed the first time, they failed the second time, why are they beating this dead horse? What good does it do? The only thing that would make this game better is if it was rebuilt from scratch with different story and characters and maybe have some goddamn game mechanics in it! The only reason I haven't sold it is because I don't want anyone else to go through the pain of playing through this. Of all the bad games I've ever played, this is propably the second worst, just after Missions.


Not necessarily horrible games in themselves but disappointments, I'd say King of Fighters XII and Bangai-O Spirits. Both games had the problem of a lacking, practically nonexistent story. KoFXII's online mode was terrible and the arcade mode was way too easy with a boring task of beating your own times. Bangai-O, which I originally thought would be a nice SHMUP on the go, turned out to be just a series of challenges with no apparent reward for your troubles.


@Cody: I gotta agree with that gem system in SFxT. It was just pointless and frustrating. There's no need to equip some damn gems to your character when you could just, you know, play the game. Personally, I do like the game, but mainly for its character roster.