VGFacts

Full Version: So, uh. I have to write a personal statement.
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
Pages: 1 2
A personal statement for people that don't know is a document you write about yourself to explain why you want to do a course for University.

It's basically a piece of paper saying why you're better than everyone else, and these are the reasons.

Since I've never done one of these before, and this forum ranges from College grads to parents. I thought you guys may be quite the right people for the job.

The help I need is basically just to help me know what to write. I'm thinking of posting the finished statement here since I'm going to do my first draft today and would like some feedback on it to improve it more.

Thanks in advance, and any advice given I'll take.
Hoooo boy personal statements. Which reminds me of UCAS, which is just like Satan, only with less of a conscience.

You basically have to persuade the admissions folk you're better than the others.
Everyone talks about how passionate they are about the subject they want to do. What you want to do is actually prove that you're passionate (even if you're not). Mention books you've read on the subject, places you've been, websites you regularly follow. It's best if you've actually done what you say you've read/seen/visited, though if not, there's nothing wrong with saying you read a book you haven't so long as you actually read it before an interview.

Talk about extracurricular things you get up to (football, music, theater, etc.) and your interests (gaming, painting, etc.) to show them that you're an interesting person who will not only be an academic asset, but an asset to their culture.


Could you let us know more about the universities you're aiming for (is it still six ?) and the course ?
Seriously Though, you're awesome. I knew you'd be the first one to jump in. I'll help if I can, but I haven't written one of those in 12 years.
Thank you Seriously. You have helped quite a bit with this.

This is the first draft, so please tell me everything that is wrong about it and good about it.

I do want to study computer science and get into the video game industry, and I hope I have sent that across. I just hope that I've included enough. From what I've seen online, I should be talking about job experiences (I've never had a job) and should be talking about hundreds of other skills I do not have.

I don't have enough space to add a "I can't wait to learn university Computer Science" or whatever at the end, so if there is anything that shouldn't be there, or sounds wrong. Do tell me.
Second paragraph, first sentence. Maybe it should be rephrased to "I believe" or "I know". It changes the emphasis of your thought of how important technology is to, pretty much, the world depends on it and I'm going to be a part of it.

There are, of course, a few grammatical errors. But, it's a rough draft.
I like the way you're headed.
(11-10-2014, 06:41 PM)retrolinkx Wrote: [ -> ]Thank you Seriously. You have helped quite a bit with this.

This is the first draft, so please tell me everything that is wrong about it and good about it.

I do want to study computer science and get into the video game industry, and I hope I have sent that across. I just hope that I've included enough. From what I've seen online, I should be talking about job experiences (I've never had a job) and should be talking about hundreds of other skills I do not have.

I don't have enough space to add a "I can't wait to learn university Computer Science" or whatever at the end, so if there is anything that shouldn't be there, or sounds wrong. Do tell me.

Oh UCAS, still imposing that 4,000 character limit. 

This first draft already sounds strong, you're definitely going in the right direction.
I've made some changes, feel free to ask me any question you want.

Thank you both. I have remanded my statement with both of your suggestions, and added a few things.

I'm not very good at writing, you can probably see that in my statement and how I write a lot of my posts (God knows how I obtained a B in GCSE English) but I'm happy you didn't call me out for being a retard in some of the mistakes I made.

I'm going to give this draft in today, and hope for the best. I just hope it's alright.
Seriously, for the 2015 VG Awards, I shall nominate you in the category of "The Man". All others nominated for this category shall be removed from said category, as there is no comparison!
(11-11-2014, 06:18 AM)Kakariko Kid Wrote: [ -> ]Seriously, for the 2015 VG Awards, I shall nominate you in the category of "The Man". All others nominated for this category shall be removed from said category, as there is no comparison!

I like where this is going :)



Keep us up to date, Retrolinkx !
(11-10-2014, 07:58 PM)SERIOUSLY THOUGH Wrote: [ -> ]Oh UCAS, still imposing that 4,000 character limit. 

This first draft already sounds strong, you're definitely going in the right direction.
I've made some changes, feel free to ask me any question you want.

Strange because my UCAS didn't have a limit, it was written in a seperate document that you posted; similar to a CV.

In regards to Retrolinkxs personal statement, I find that it focuses and repeats the subject of "wanting to join" too much. This is probably due to what your course tutor may have said or other advice from other sources.

I was in the exact same position as you 4(ish) years ago. Wanting to study Computer Science and had to write a personal statement. Mine is very informal and doesn't so much talk about the subject as much as it is more of an "about me" introduction. I didn't talk so much about computer science as it was is more of explaining who I am and what I do, while coming back to the computer science aspect at the end.

See, mine is complete shit and I still got in:
(Feel free to take it apart)
I'm not being modest either, it's terrible but when it comes to addressing people whether formal or not, I'm very relaxed and laid back while still articulate in bringing myself across(as is my CV, even making jokes).

It's funny because after Uni when I went to an interview at my (now current) job as a software developer, my CEO and I spent the majority of the interview talking about Motorhead and Queen. My point being that you may not need to hammer in the "I wanna be a coding wizard in [insert sector here]" and that you're more than a robot who wants to do computer science but someone who does other activities that may not even be related to the field.

It's a good personal statement but every paragraph is basically the same thing. There's nothing wrong with stating what you do outside that may not even be related to CS. I often look at my own CV/PS as if I was an employer. It's great to know you're hard working but I wanna know about you. Even then, maybe your Uni does want someone to send in a Personal Statement that narrowed down, in which case, ignore me.

Also, while not necessary, if you have any additional projects or industry related work such as: small indie games, events you've attended, people within the industry (all computer science sectors), your own personal projects in languages etc are worth talking about in an interview. It most likely won't happen, but having them to show a for future reference is always a potential bonus. (See Portfolios)

Stating what you like and why you like it is a must for everything really.

Lastly
1) Depending on your course, CS Degrees generally don't branch off into game design until the second year. First year is a breeze though
2) (This may not be for you) but while I love gaming, heck we're on a gaming forum, I found that "don't make your hobby your career" couldn't be any truer. Not trying to scare you off at all but it's how I felt about gaming design after starting Uni. I didn't even take the game design branch. I studied everything outside of that such as CSA (Computer Systems Architecture) and FoC (Foundations of Computations) while still making indie games on the side (I'm "working" in Unity on a project....when I have the motivation after doing 8 hours of software development work).

As I said earlier, I went through the exact same thing so feel free to ask on what to expect from a CS degree or if you need any specific help.
Too be honest, I would like to join the vidya industry mostly to save it, but that's just a "fanta sea" that will never happen but really, I'm not that pissed if I don't. I'd rather get a good stable job that would pay a lot than a shitty coding job where I could be fired any minute.

I get that it's kind of needy, but I still haven't had anyone apart from the few people on this site, and my mother and brother to look over it. (The latter telling me it's terrible) Hopefully today, I'll be able to give it to an actual teacher and they'll be able to look over it and change it for the better.

I've amended it slightly to take out the many I's I've included, and added some information about myself as well (Mostly that I like and enjoy history outside of school)

I'll post the edited version in a few hours, I want to see what the teacher recommends.

Heh, curries.

The only thing I'm really have trouble with is the introduction as my teacher has told me that it's too bland, and that I need to include work experience (which is possible) and some extra curricular activities that I did (Gonna force myself to go to an open evening to say that I did)

Rip it apart and edit at will, and if possible give me some more easy hobbies I can lie about that I can remind myself that I have taken up and just don't know it yet!
I think you need to revise your introduction a little to be a little bit "I like this because this. I want to do this because this." and sort of state more that "Technology has been a fundamental aspect of my life for an extremely long period now, and I know nothing that I wish for more in life than to continue to work within this field as I move forward with my career."

Something along those lines, of course revising as you see fit. Obviously what I've said is a little weird in wording, but that's just how I talk. Change it to seem natural to you.
Can you squeeze the site in there , maybe in the "outside the classroom"section? You are a very active member and contribute a lot.
Maybe put the site and show the trivia that is found, sometimes not for years.
Ask the other guys what they think about it.
Also, chess is a nice hobby. And Sudoku. I enjoy both.
"Hi my name is retrolinkx and I wanna learn two things. How to fuck shit sideways and how to do computers. I've been told that, if anything, I'm overqualified in the first field, so let's shit on some iMacs."

Nah don't do that, those kinds of statements are how I lost my scholarship AND my custody rights. I'm not going to super-edit like these guys, just try and mix up your statements a bit. Use fewer "I [blank]" sentence starters, make the reader feel a little engaged.
Pages: 1 2