Posts: 2,726
Threads: 114
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
15
A personal statement for people that don't know is a document you write about yourself to explain why you want to do a course for University.
It's basically a piece of paper saying why you're better than everyone else, and these are the reasons.
Since I've never done one of these before, and this forum ranges from College grads to parents. I thought you guys may be quite the right people for the job.
The help I need is basically just to help me know what to write. I'm thinking of posting the finished statement here since I'm going to do my first draft today and would like some feedback on it to improve it more.
Thanks in advance, and any advice given I'll take.
Posts: 3,110
Threads: 35
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
35
Hoooo boy personal statements. Which reminds me of UCAS, which is just like Satan, only with less of a conscience.
You basically have to persuade the admissions folk you're better than the others.
Everyone talks about how passionate they are about the subject they want to do. What you want to do is actually prove that you're passionate (even if you're not). Mention books you've read on the subject, places you've been, websites you regularly follow. It's best if you've actually done what you say you've read/seen/visited, though if not, there's nothing wrong with saying you read a book you haven't so long as you actually read it before an interview.
Talk about extracurricular things you get up to (football, music, theater, etc.) and your interests (gaming, painting, etc.) to show them that you're an interesting person who will not only be an academic asset, but an asset to their culture.
Could you let us know more about the universities you're aiming for (is it still six ?) and the course ?
Posts: 2,474
Threads: 122
Joined: Jan 2014
Reputation:
22
Seriously Though, you're awesome. I knew you'd be the first one to jump in. I'll help if I can, but I haven't written one of those in 12 years.
Posts: 2,726
Threads: 114
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
15
11-10-2014, 06:41 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-10-2014, 06:43 PM by retrolinkx.)
Thank you Seriously. You have helped quite a bit with this.
This is the first draft, so please tell me everything that is wrong about it and good about it.
I do want to study computer science and get into the video game industry, and I hope I have sent that across. I just hope that I've included enough. From what I've seen online, I should be talking about job experiences (I've never had a job) and should be talking about hundreds of other skills I do not have.
I want to take Computer Science at a University Level because I have always loved computers and technology. I have always found technology to be interesting and I have wanted to be a part of making it even better for around 10 years now. I am astounded by how far technology has advanced, how Phones can do the things computers had trouble doing 15 years ago and how the internet is used for helping people with their day to day lives I hope to one day be able to be part of the video game industry as video games have always been of interest for me from both a technological standpoint and as a hobby.
Computer Science interest me because I think that in the future it will be a valuable skill to have for everyday life. Even today, technology is a very useful tool in our lives and I want to be a part of improving that. I want to be able to spearhead a new generation of technology in any way possible. I want to be able to create and work with technology that people would want and need. When I finish this course I hope that I will be able to understand computers and technology a lot more, and hopefully be able to find a job in the video game industry early on.
I believe I am fit for the course for many different reasons. For one I enjoy using computers and have always had an interest in them. My A-Levels have helped me too. ICT has taught me many ways to use different advanced programs on computers, the inside workings of computers, and has helped me to understand the business side of the computing industry. Economics has also helped me to understand the economical impact of technology and how it has improved over the years. I have also written an EPQ about violence in video games something that I feel strongly about. I researched many different articles and studies about violent video games and compiled them together into a 5000 word essay, along with a presentation. The EPQ has helped me to understand what kind of studying I will do at University, the problems that occurred and the things I did wrong so that I will not do these problems when I finally start university.
From working on these courses I have picked up useful skills that will help me in University and in the field of work I want to go into. I work well very well and efficiently. Being able to finish large pieces of work and writing in under a day, I am also very good at working independently and can grasp concepts very quickly. I also have good problem solving skills and have been told I'm a good listener. I have read different news articles about computer science and the video game industry, including but not limited to; How Video games are created, the basics behind programming and the basics behind computer science at universities along with coding programs such as C++. I understand that computer science is a lengthy course at university level and requires a critical and focused mind to be able to keep up with the information, workload and reading.
Outside of the classroom I have gone through some articles about computer science and technology. I have looked at how technology in different countries have failed to become successful and the reasoning behind that on a business standpoint. I have also looked into the different types of jobs a video game employee would undertake whether they program code on computers or design the gameplay through other means. I have attended a lecture on how technology and the internet were used to make the presidential campaign in 2008 successful. I have listened to radio programmes about the video game industry, the discussions of how technology has changed the world in recent years and some computer science related programmes.
Outside of my school life, I play video games and research them. I keep up to date with the latest news that interests me and I have also created add-ons for some video games, I practice drawing whenever I can and have played several musical instruments in my life including Piano, Guitar and Violin.
I don't have enough space to add a "I can't wait to learn university Computer Science" or whatever at the end, so if there is anything that shouldn't be there, or sounds wrong. Do tell me.
Posts: 2,474
Threads: 122
Joined: Jan 2014
Reputation:
22
Second paragraph, first sentence. Maybe it should be rephrased to "I believe" or "I know". It changes the emphasis of your thought of how important technology is to, pretty much, the world depends on it and I'm going to be a part of it.
There are, of course, a few grammatical errors. But, it's a rough draft.
I like the way you're headed.
Posts: 3,110
Threads: 35
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
35
11-10-2014, 07:58 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-10-2014, 07:59 PM by SERIOUSLY THOUGH.)
(11-10-2014, 06:41 PM)retrolinkx Wrote: Thank you Seriously. You have helped quite a bit with this.
This is the first draft, so please tell me everything that is wrong about it and good about it.
I do want to study computer science and get into the video game industry, and I hope I have sent that across. I just hope that I've included enough. From what I've seen online, I should be talking about job experiences (I've never had a job) and should be talking about hundreds of other skills I do not have.
I want to take Computer Science at a University Level because I have always loved computers and technology. I have always found technology to be interesting and I have wanted to be a part of making it even better for around 10 years now. I am astounded by how far technology has advanced, how Phones can do the things computers had trouble doing 15 years ago and how the internet is used for helping people with their day to day lives I hope to one day be able to be part of the video game industry as video games have always been of interest for me from both a technological standpoint and as a hobby.
Computer Science interest me because I think that in the future it will be a valuable skill to have for everyday life. Even today, technology is a very useful tool in our lives and I want to be a part of improving that. I want to be able to spearhead a new generation of technology in any way possible. I want to be able to create and work with technology that people would want and need. When I finish this course I hope that I will be able to understand computers and technology a lot more, and hopefully be able to find a job in the video game industry early on.
I believe I am fit for the course for many different reasons. For one I enjoy using computers and have always had an interest in them. My A-Levels have helped me too. ICT has taught me many ways to use different advanced programs on computers, the inside workings of computers, and has helped me to understand the business side of the computing industry. Economics has also helped me to understand the economical impact of technology and how it has improved over the years. I have also written an EPQ about violence in video games something that I feel strongly about. I researched many different articles and studies about violent video games and compiled them together into a 5000 word essay, along with a presentation. The EPQ has helped me to understand what kind of studying I will do at University, the problems that occurred and the things I did wrong so that I will not do these problems when I finally start university.
From working on these courses I have picked up useful skills that will help me in University and in the field of work I want to go into. I work well very well and efficiently. Being able to finish large pieces of work and writing in under a day, I am also very good at working independently and can grasp concepts very quickly. I also have good problem solving skills and have been told I'm a good listener. I have read different news articles about computer science and the video game industry, including but not limited to; How Video games are created, the basics behind programming and the basics behind computer science at universities along with coding programs such as C++. I understand that computer science is a lengthy course at university level and requires a critical and focused mind to be able to keep up with the information, workload and reading.
Outside of the classroom I have gone through some articles about computer science and technology. I have looked at how technology in different countries have failed to become successful and the reasoning behind that on a business standpoint. I have also looked into the different types of jobs a video game employee would undertake whether they program code on computers or design the gameplay through other means. I have attended a lecture on how technology and the internet were used to make the presidential campaign in 2008 successful. I have listened to radio programmes about the video game industry, the discussions of how technology has changed the world in recent years and some computer science related programmes.
Outside of my school life, I play video games and research them. I keep up to date with the latest news that interests me and I have also created add-ons for some video games, I practice drawing whenever I can and have played several musical instruments in my life including Piano, Guitar and Violin.
Oh UCAS, still imposing that 4,000 character limit.
This first draft already sounds strong, you're definitely going in the right direction.
I've made some changes, feel free to ask me any question you want.
I want wish (softened the 'want' to 'wish') to take Computer Science at the postsecondary level because as (just to save characters) I have always loved computers and technology. I have always had an interest in found technology to be interesting and I have wanted to be a part of making it even better for just as longaround 10 years now. I am astounded by how far technology has advanced, how Pphones can do process (trying to use a stronger verb that's closer to technology) what the things computers had trouble doing 15 years ago and how the internet is used for helpsing people with their daily to day lives. vVideo games have always long (to avoid repeating "always") been a passion (now we're onto video games; hit them with passion) of interest for me from both a technological standpoint and as a hobby (flipped ithe sentence so that your interest leads into your desired job), I hope to one day be able to workbe part of in the video game industry as video games have always been of interest for me from both a technological standpoint and as a hobby.
I seek to pursue Computer Science interest me because as I think that in the future it will be a valuable skill to have for everyday life in future (I just cut some stuff down as you said you wanted more space. I also removed the "I think" so that you make a more assertive statement). Even today, technology is a very useful tool in our lives and that I would want to help be a part of improveing that. I want to be able to spearhead a new generation of technologicaly progress (not necessary change, but sounds good if you have space) in any way possible. I want to be able to create and work with technology that people would both desirewant (just to use a verb other than 'want', a thesaurus is v. useful for this kind of thing) and need. Upon When I finishing this course, I hope to better that I will be able to understand computers and technology a lot more (I put 'better' rather than 'a lot more', you want to sound like the master of all things technological), and hopefully be able to find a job in the video game industry early on.
I believe I am fit for yourthe(to directly engage the reader) course for many different reasons. For one(can be removed if you need more space), I enjoy using computers and have always had an interest in them(you've already said this, so feel free to delete if you need space, you could also say "as I said, etc etc"). My A-Levels have also helped me too. -- ICT has taught me many ways in which to use different advanced programs on computers, understand the innerside workings of computers, and has helped me to familiarise myself with understand the business side of the computing industry. Economics has also helped me to understand the economical ("economic", to do with the economy. "eonomical", cheap) impact of technology and how it (the tech, or the economic impact?) has improved over the years. I have also written an EPQ about violence in video games, a subject something that I feel strongly about. I researched many different articles and studies about violent video games and compiled them together into a 5000 word essay and, along with a presentation. The EPQ has helped me to understand what kind of research (because being enthusiastic about studying is expected, but being enthusiastic about research hits hard) studying I will be expected to carry out do at University, the problems that may aroseoccurred and what the things I did wrong so that I can avoid themwill not do these problems when I finally start university. (I rewrote the sentence as a suggestion.)
The EPQ has helped identify the problems that arose and what I did wrong, so that I can avoid them in future. It also helped me better understand the kind of research (because being enthusiastic about studying is expected, but being enthusiastic about research hits hard) I will be expected to carry out at university
From working on Through these courses, I have picked up useful skills that will help me in University and in mythe chosen field of work I want to go into. I work well very well and efficiently (perhaps add a bit to make yourself stand out). Being able to finish large pieces of work and writing in a timely manner (to avoid saying "don't worry if I haven't started my dissertation yet) under a day, I am also very good at working independently (the introductory clause should be linked to the next statement -- "I can finish large xyz, and therefore I am independent". The current link doesn't make entire sense -- how finishing quickly makes you good at working independantly) and can rapidly grasp concepts very quickly. I have been told that Ialso am a have good problem solver solving skills and have been told I'm a good listener. I have read different countless news articles about computer science and the video game industry, including but not limited to; How Video games are created, the basics behind programming and the basics behind computer science at universities along with coding programs such as C++ (In this section, make explicit what is in quotes [titles], and what is the continuation of the sentence). I understand that computer science is a lengthy course at university level and requires a critical and focused mind to be able to keep up with the information, workload and reading (good, they now know you know that it's not going to be a piece of cake, but that you're well aware are ready).
Outside of the classroom, I have gone through some articles about computer science and technology (you've just said this). I have looked at how technology in different countries have failed to become successful and the reasoning behind that fromon a business standpoint. I have also familiarised myself withlooked into (to show the readers that you not only read about the different types of job, but that you actually know exactly what they are) the different types of tasksjobs a video game employee would undertake, whether they program code on computers or design the gameplay through other means. I have attended a (it may be useful to mention the organiser or venue) lecture on how technology and the internet were harnessedused to make the 2008 US presidential campaign in 2008 a successful. I regularlyhave listened (make it sound like it's a regular thing, not a one-off) to radio programmes about the video game industry, the discussions of how technology has changed the world in recent years and some computer science related programmes.
Outside of my school life, I enjoy (to make yourself sound human and not just an applicant) both playing and researching video games and research them. I keep up to date with the latest news that interests me (to save space) and I have also created add-ons for some video games., I practice drawing whenever I can and have played several musical instruments in my life including Piano, Guitar and Violin (It would be even better if you could say "I play several musical instruments". If they ask you at the interview if you play, and you haven't for a while, say that unfortunately, you've been concentrating on your studies and subjects related to your desired job[computer science]").
Posts: 2,726
Threads: 114
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
15
Thank you both. I have remanded my statement with both of your suggestions, and added a few things.
I'm not very good at writing, you can probably see that in my statement and how I write a lot of my posts (God knows how I obtained a B in GCSE English) but I'm happy you didn't call me out for being a retard in some of the mistakes I made.
I'm going to give this draft in today, and hope for the best. I just hope it's alright.
Posts: 2,474
Threads: 122
Joined: Jan 2014
Reputation:
22
Seriously, for the 2015 VG Awards, I shall nominate you in the category of "The Man". All others nominated for this category shall be removed from said category, as there is no comparison!
Posts: 3,110
Threads: 35
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
35
(11-11-2014, 06:18 AM)Kakariko Kid Wrote: Seriously, for the 2015 VG Awards, I shall nominate you in the category of "The Man". All others nominated for this category shall be removed from said category, as there is no comparison!
I like where this is going :)
Keep us up to date, Retrolinkx !
Posts: 2,448
Threads: 18
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
35
11-11-2014, 03:52 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-11-2014, 04:04 PM by BumblebeeCody.)
(11-10-2014, 07:58 PM)SERIOUSLY THOUGH Wrote: Oh UCAS, still imposing that 4,000 character limit.
This first draft already sounds strong, you're definitely going in the right direction.
I've made some changes, feel free to ask me any question you want.
Strange because my UCAS didn't have a limit, it was written in a seperate document that you posted; similar to a CV.
In regards to Retrolinkxs personal statement, I find that it focuses and repeats the subject of "wanting to join" too much. This is probably due to what your course tutor may have said or other advice from other sources.
I was in the exact same position as you 4(ish) years ago. Wanting to study Computer Science and had to write a personal statement. Mine is very informal and doesn't so much talk about the subject as much as it is more of an "about me" introduction. I didn't talk so much about computer science as it was is more of explaining who I am and what I do, while coming back to the computer science aspect at the end.
See, mine is complete shit and I still got in:
(Feel free to take it apart)
Since I was at a young age, I have often had an interest in IT, whether it be with games, desktops, software or programming. My Father was also an influence on me because he also worked with and built many computers and I was often involved in the process and this love of computing has only strengthened.
In A levels I took Maths, media and IT. I find that these subjects all contribute to computer design. The mathematical side of computer science is a key aspect and one in which I am confident as for game design it is often to do with rules, coding and numerics. Media helps me get a broader understanding of all types of media (Games, Films, Print, Internet) and how they affect audiences, get messages across and how they are presented and how they are made up. However A levels didn’t work out for me and I am currently taking BTEC IT National Diploma at West Herts College.
I have been recently employed by Manpower in which I work in a warehouse moving items around. I use the same skills at college as I do to at work. Among these are: Staying focused, thinking about the rewards, making the most of my time, staying positive and making sure the work gets done to a top quality standard. However I find that college and work are similar. I enjoy working independently however, I am a great people person and I get on very well with others. Working with a group to overcome an obstacle is a great challenge and it is interesting to hear how other people view the target. These skills also affect my own lifestyle. I am very self-sufficient and have to take responsibility for myself, which has made me more organised.
I view myself as someone to be on the creative side of life. I cope well with pressure and can remain calm at all times. Despite my attitude to life I do have a serious attitude too, especially when it comes to important issues and work. I have implemented this into education, hobbies and life in general; when it comes to education I have taken up subjects such as Art, (Outside Photography) Graphics, IT and Music. It has been noticed by teachers and peers that I have a very creative and interesting outlook. I think this is because I like to do a lot of designing and art related work outside school which keeps my interest high. I find it fascinating how it is possible to create a fictional universe whether it is being a game, film or art piece and have an emotion attached or a sense of feeling.
Outside of school I have found hobbies which I can express myself in. I have recently joined an Aikido club in London, as I have been interested in Martial Arts and did Karate and Judo when I was younger but plan to study Aikido further. I also took up guitar for 7 years but stopped just before GCSE’s to concentrate on my studies. I have taken up many sports in the past such as: Basketball, Skateboarding, Martial Arts and football. I have taken part in E-sports competitions which revolves around gaming and competitive play.
The reason I have chosen to go to University and study further is because, like I said before, I want to get the most from life. I want to become a game designer and start taking on large scale games. I have already created my own indie games in my spare time and created mey own programs, this comes back me being creative and being eager to learn. Already I've studied: machine code, Java, Python, C#, C++, Ada and more. Computing and Games are a big influence on me, so being able to study about a subject I enjoy and partake in would be a fantastic opportunity.
I'm not being modest either, it's terrible but when it comes to addressing people whether formal or not, I'm very relaxed and laid back while still articulate in bringing myself across(as is my CV, even making jokes).
It's funny because after Uni when I went to an interview at my (now current) job as a software developer, my CEO and I spent the majority of the interview talking about Motorhead and Queen. My point being that you may not need to hammer in the "I wanna be a coding wizard in [insert sector here]" and that you're more than a robot who wants to do computer science but someone who does other activities that may not even be related to the field.
It's a good personal statement but every paragraph is basically the same thing. There's nothing wrong with stating what you do outside that may not even be related to CS. I often look at my own CV/PS as if I was an employer. It's great to know you're hard working but I wanna know about you. Even then, maybe your Uni does want someone to send in a Personal Statement that narrowed down, in which case, ignore me.
Also, while not necessary, if you have any additional projects or industry related work such as: small indie games, events you've attended, people within the industry (all computer science sectors), your own personal projects in languages etc are worth talking about in an interview. It most likely won't happen, but having them to show a for future reference is always a potential bonus. (See Portfolios)
Stating what you like and why you like it is a must for everything really.
Lastly
1) Depending on your course, CS Degrees generally don't branch off into game design until the second year. First year is a breeze though
2) (This may not be for you) but while I love gaming, heck we're on a gaming forum, I found that "don't make your hobby your career" couldn't be any truer. Not trying to scare you off at all but it's how I felt about gaming design after starting Uni. I didn't even take the game design branch. I studied everything outside of that such as CSA (Computer Systems Architecture) and FoC (Foundations of Computations) while still making indie games on the side (I'm "working" in Unity on a project....when I have the motivation after doing 8 hours of software development work).
As I said earlier, I went through the exact same thing so feel free to ask on what to expect from a CS degree or if you need any specific help.
Posts: 2,726
Threads: 114
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
15
11-12-2014, 05:34 AM
(This post was last modified: 11-12-2014, 05:50 AM by retrolinkx.)
Too be honest, I would like to join the vidya industry mostly to save it, but that's just a " fanta sea" that will never happen but really, I'm not that pissed if I don't. I'd rather get a good stable job that would pay a lot than a shitty coding job where I could be fired any minute.
I get that it's kind of needy, but I still haven't had anyone apart from the few people on this site, and my mother and brother to look over it. (The latter telling me it's terrible) Hopefully today, I'll be able to give it to an actual teacher and they'll be able to look over it and change it for the better.
I've amended it slightly to take out the many I's I've included, and added some information about myself as well (Mostly that I like and enjoy history outside of school)
I'll post the edited version in a few hours, I want to see what the teacher recommends.
Posts: 2,726
Threads: 114
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
15
11-12-2014, 04:36 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-12-2014, 04:36 PM by retrolinkx.)
I wish to take Computer Science at the post secondary level as I have always loved computers and technology. I have always had an interest in technology and have wanted to be a part of making it even better for just as long. I am astounded by how far technology has advanced and how phones can process what computers had trouble doing 15 years ago. Video games have long been a passion for me from both a technological standpoint and as a hobby, and I hope to one day be able to work in the video game industry.
I seek to pursue Computer Science as it will be a valuable skill for everyday life in the future. Even today, technology is a very useful tool that I would want to help improve. I want to be able to spearhead a new generation of technological progress, and to create and work with technology that people would both desire and need. Upon finishing this course, I hope to better understand computers and technology, and be able to find a computer science related job in the future.
The A-Levels I have studied throughout my sixth form have been important in enhancing the skills required for my chosen degree. ICT has taught me many ways in which to use different advanced programs, understand the inner workings of computers, and familiarise myself with the business side of the computing industry. Economics has helped me to understand the finacial impact of technology and how it has improved the economy through new jobs being created and improved GDP output, and History has helped me to assimiating large amounts of information. I have also written an EPQ about violence in video games, a subject that I feel strongly about. I researched many articles and studies about violent video games and compiled them together into a 5000 word essay and presentation. The EPQ has helped identify the problems that arose and what I did wrong, so that I can avoid them in future. It also helped me better understand the kind of research I will be expected to carry out at university.
Through these courses, I have picked up useful skills that will help me in University and in my chosen field of work. I work very well and efficiently in the tasks I am given, usually finishing them without help, being able to finish large pieces of work and writing in a timely manner. I am also very good at working independently and can rapidly grasp concepts. I have been told that I am a problem solver and good listener. I enojy the challenge of ensuring my knowledge of computing is kept up to date by constatnyl research articles, including but not limited to: How Video games are created, the basics behind programming and the basics behind computer science at universities along with coding programs such as C++. I understand that computer science is a lengthy course at university level and requires a critical and focused mind to be able to keep up with the information, workload and reading.
Outside of the classroom. I have looked at how technology in different countries have failed to become successful and the reasoning behind that from a business standpoint. I have also familiarised myself with the different types of tasks a video game employee would undertake, whether they program code on computers or design the gameplay through other means. I have attended a lecture on how technology and the internet were harnessed to make the 2008 US presidential campaign a success. I regularly listen to radio programmes about the video game industry, discussions of how technology has changed the world in recent years and some computer science related programmes.
I enjoy both playing and researching video games. I keep up to date with the latest news and have also created add-ons for some video games. I practice drawing whenever I can and have played several musical instruments in my life. I cycle regularly, read and cook, especially curries. I am also interested in history and read up on World War's as they fascinate me the most.
Heh, curries.
The only thing I'm really have trouble with is the introduction as my teacher has told me that it's too bland, and that I need to include work experience (which is possible) and some extra curricular activities that I did (Gonna force myself to go to an open evening to say that I did)
Rip it apart and edit at will, and if possible give me some more easy hobbies I can lie about that I can remind myself that I have taken up and just don't know it yet!
Posts: 487
Threads: 53
Joined: Sep 2012
Reputation:
33
I think you need to revise your introduction a little to be a little bit "I like this because this. I want to do this because this." and sort of state more that "Technology has been a fundamental aspect of my life for an extremely long period now, and I know nothing that I wish for more in life than to continue to work within this field as I move forward with my career."
Something along those lines, of course revising as you see fit. Obviously what I've said is a little weird in wording, but that's just how I talk. Change it to seem natural to you.
Posts: 2,474
Threads: 122
Joined: Jan 2014
Reputation:
22
11-12-2014, 07:57 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-13-2014, 05:04 AM by Kakariko Kid.)
Can you squeeze the site in there , maybe in the "outside the classroom"section? You are a very active member and contribute a lot.
Maybe put the site and show the trivia that is found, sometimes not for years.
Ask the other guys what they think about it.
Also, chess is a nice hobby. And Sudoku. I enjoy both.
Posts: 1,672
Threads: 64
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
22
"Hi my name is retrolinkx and I wanna learn two things. How to fuck shit sideways and how to do computers. I've been told that, if anything, I'm overqualified in the first field, so let's shit on some iMacs."
Nah don't do that, those kinds of statements are how I lost my scholarship AND my custody rights. I'm not going to super-edit like these guys, just try and mix up your statements a bit. Use fewer "I [blank]" sentence starters, make the reader feel a little engaged.
|
![[+]](images/collapse_collapsed.png "[+]")
Spoiler
