And it's weird. For whatever reason, I'm just, pissed off. I'm not even really that sad. I mean. I AM sad. But I'm not crying. I'm just sighing a lot and thinking "Well, dammit. I loved that cat. Do I get a new cat? Do I wait?" I couldn't just leave her outside, so I brought her into the garage and let her lay on top of a table. She's not even that old. She's 10. But she was never very fit. She didn't like to run, or move around, she usually just slept and crawled. I think she had a spinal problem. We'd never ever sen her jump. Or "walk" my dad even nicknamed her "slither" because she'd just, slither around the house or yard, and glare at everyone.

She was kind of a snot, but she was still my cat. My brother has his cat, and my mom had her cat, and this cat was mine. When I got home from work at 1:00 am, I saw her out sitting outside the door, and she glared at me and then the door, her way of saying "Let me in, Human." and so I opened the door for her, but she just glared at me, meaning "I think I shall wait a moment." So then I just started wrapping presents. She wanted in just a few minutes before she past away, but I was still wrapping, so I just said "Lemme finish." and then she went "GAK. WRECK. GAAAAK" -THUMP- and so I ran outside and she was dead. And now I'm just sitting here. I didn't wanna make a status about it on Facebook. I wasn't even going to talk about it, but when I saw "Pets" for a thread, I decided "Might as well..."

It was weird picking her up to put her somewhere. I'd never really felt her that much before. She didn't like to ever be touched. She'd slither away if someone came new her, and she'd growl if you cornered her. I was the only person in the house "allowed" to touch her, and it was limited to gentle strokes. If I petted her too much she'd growl, but if I just touched her, or rested my hand near her, she'd purr. We had a weird relationship as Master and Feline, and it was somewhat precious for me to know that she only ever liked me.

Her brother, which is my brother's cat, is sitting in my brother's room at the moment. And I'm like "Is he gonna die?" "Should I wake my brother and tell him of Toshi?" Murr. Christmas Eve the cat dies. I'm not one to blame myself for, well, anything, but I wish I'd let her inside so she coulda had a heart attack inside my warm house with her master, rather than outside in the cold, pawing at the window to be let in.