09-02-2013, 06:49 PM
I just realized no one gave me any pointers or anything, because I turned it in at the last minute, so I have no idea how good it was or what needed to be improved on. The only person who's read it, besides me, is my girlfriend, who simply Girlfriended it by saying "It's great." and whatnot. Not really what I'm looking for.
Sooo... Here it is.
Oh, my warning: There's a good amount of cursing in this.
Rereading it, I feel like it's relatively dull in the earlier parts. I also don't like my choice to make the protagonist have hints of being the antichrist. Might've been better leaving it ambiguous.
EDIT: Okay. I thought I could upload it, but I don't think I can. And on here it's hard to see I made changes to the handwriting by using different fonts. I'll Italicize.
Sooo... Here it is.
Oh, my warning: There's a good amount of cursing in this.
![[+]](images/collapse_collapsed.png "[+]")
SpoilerDiary of a Madman
Week One
May the 4th, 2014
My day was rather dull. I woke up with a small headache at roughly 10:20 AM. My Sunday afternoon could have gone better, had I found something to do to occupy my time. At some time late in the evening, my sister called. She said she missed me, yadda yadda. I told her I was free this weekend, and would be excited to see her, but we both know that's a lie. Watched cartoons before coming to bed and writing this. Cartoons aren't as amusing as they were when I was a child.
May the 5th, 2014
My doctor prescribed me more medication. Supposedly it's to keep me from nodding off and blacking out. I suppose I should explain, since 35 years from now, I may forget about this interesting event in my life.
There's something wrong with me. I randomly black out for several minutes at a time. I don't know how long I've been doing it. Something around three weeks. It's hard to tell. All that happens is, I'll blink, and suddenly a few minutes have passed. It was scary at first. You check the clock at work, it's 11:15. You blink. It's now 11:22. The first time I noticed it, I shrugged it off as me simply spacing out, but it happened again the next day as well. Now, I spend most of the time constantly checking the time. A clock, my phone, my watch, the computer's clock. Always making sure nothing's changed.
The fifth time I noticed what'd happened, immediately wrote down what time it was, and what time I remembered it being. At the end of my shift, I came to my boss and asked if we could examine the security cameras. During the time of my black out(If you were curious, it was between 9:27 and 9:31 AM) Strange as it was, during the black out, I wasn't doing anything unusual. I was still working on a report. I apologized for wasting my boss's time, but he didn't mind.
So anyways, the medication. My doctor says he doesn't know why I'm nodding off, but he prescribed me some medication to make me more alert. It's supposedly more like a natural energy drink. He also asked me to start writing in a journal. He says by trying to remember what I did through out the day, it'll help with memorization and staying on top of things.
May the 6th, 2014
Went to work. Didn't black out at all. Came home. Watched TV. Passed out.
May the 7th, 2014
Still had a boring day.
May the 8th, 2014
At approximately 3:07 PM, I had a small black out that lasted four minutes. My boss asked me to come in on Saturday for maybe an hour and finish up a report for him. Sounds like a lot of fun and is definitely not going to be a waste of a perfectly good Saturday.
May the 9th, 2014
Friday night. Something like, 2:15 in the morning. Went to the bar with the guys. Kyle drank too much and puked. Bartender got pissed and threw us out. Anthony was our DD, so he drove us home. I got some girl's number, but it I have reason to believe it was a fake number. No fun there. Gonna catch some sleep.
May the 10th, 2014
I never came to work on Saturday. My boss called me at around noon and chewed me out. I apologized. He got over it. Nice guy. Woke up with the hangover of the century. I was actually somewhat impressed my head didn't split open. I think I deserve some sort of medal for the morning I had.
I used a Bloody Mary to recover. Fight fire with fire. Or in this case, use more alcohol to dull the pain of the old alcohol. I'm a genius. Truly.
I don't think I blacked out today, but it was hard to tell. I spent most of the day in bed watching cartoons. Sister called again at some point. Wanted me to come see her tomorrow. Told her I had something scheduled. She said she understood and wasn't upset, saying she'd ask next week instead, but her tone proved she didn't exactly approve of how I'd been acting.
Update: I think I was sleep walking. It's 3:22 in the morning. I went to bed, but woke up, standing, facing my coat closet near the front door. Back to bed I go.
Week Two
May the 11th, 2014
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Sunday was not very sunny, as the name suggests. It, in fact, rained this afternoon. My car no longer needs a car wash.
There were no blackouts today.
May the 12th, 2014
I had a black out today. It was a long one. 2:13 until 2:39. My longest yet. I was going to ask if I could look at the security tapes again, but I was worried I'd waste my boss's time. Decided against it. I did inform him I blacked out, but he said he didn't observe any unusual behavior, even saying I worked as if nothing had happened.
May the 13th, 2014
Today was pretty fucking creepy. I'm calling my doctor and getting a brain scan done. Work went fine, but when I got home, I started dinner. I put some chicken in the oven and set it for 45 minutes. Then I put on the TV and started watching. I don't remember watching any more than maybe six or seven minutes of TV. The next thing I knew, I was in my attic. I heard the sounds of my fire alarm going off. I immediately ran downstairs, turned off the oven, pulled out my now burnt dinner and tried to process what just happened. The blackout was more than an hour.
I called my doctor at some point after, but his office was closed. I told him everything that'd happened and asked him to call me in the morning. I also called my boss and told him my story as well. I won't be coming in to work tomorrow.
May the 14th, 2014
My doctor called me in and we got the scan done. The screwed up thing, is there's no visible signs of anything wrong. He has no explanation for what's happening. None. All he can recommend is to keep taking my medication(which isn't working) and to have someone drive me to work from now on, in case I black out. I'll be going to work again tomorrow morning.
May the 15th, 2014
Nothing out of the ordinary today, thankfully. I had my sister drive me to work. Guess she finally got to hang out with me. Only for 45 minutes in the morning and 45 again in the evening, but beggars can't be choosers. I offered her to stay a bit tomorrow, too, after work.
May the 16th, 2014
Last day of work before the weekend. When Sarah was done dropping me off from work, we stayed and chat a bit. Long enough for it to get too late for her to bother driving home. I told her about my black outs, the brain scan, the medication, everything. It was cool seeing her again, I suppose. Always good to be with the family a bit. Talk about life.
We haven't been the same since our parents died. Both of us felt differently about the situation. Sarah always wanted to talk to me because she felt like she had no one else. She dropped out of college with just two semesters before getting her Master's. She tried moving in with me, but I wasn't too comfortable with it. I had the opposite effect. When our parents died, all I wanted was to be left alone. I never went to college and ended up just getting an office job. Now I file reports all day and spend most of my shift at my desk getting work done. The only time I socialize is Friday night, which is when I hang out with the guys. Or, in this case, Sarah.
By the time we were done talking, it was 9:15, so I decided Sarah could crash on the couch and bail in the morning. Meanwhile, I'll see the guys tomorrow, to make up for this evening.
May the 17th, 2014
This morning was terrible for me. I felt so tired when I got up, but I had plenty of sleep. I suppose I had one too many drinks with Sarah. Sarah left this morning without saying good bye, which is kind of a bummer. A hug would have been nice. I called Kyle and asked him to drive me over to Anthony's, which is where I spent most of my Saturday. We just drank and talked about the way things “used to be” and how politics are these days. As per usual, Jack had to say something trivial like “Society is completely crumbling.” Every generation has been saying that since the dawn of societies themselves. Everyone likes to think their generation is superior and the following generations are inferior. I love Jack.
At some point, I tried calling Sarah, but she never picked up. She left her purse on the coffee table. I left her a voicemail, though, so hopefully she'll get back to me.
Week Three
May the 18th, 2014
Spent most of my day watching TV. Blacks outs are getting worse. Was out for two hours. No idea what I even did. I swear the last thing I did before blacking out was sit and watch TV, but when I woke up, I was in my bed. Like that. Watching TV. I blinked. I was laying in bed. It's really freaking me out at this point. I called my doctor and said he needs to do another scan, because I feel like I've got to have brain damage or something, at this point. Normal people don't randomly pass out.
Sarah still hasn't called me. I have no idea why. I dunno what I'd said or done to bum her out on Friday, but she hasn't called me back, she hasn't texted me, hasn't even updated her Facebook. Tried talking to Jack today but he and the guys were doing something and I didn't make contact with anyone really. I feel like I need someone to keep an eye on me during these blackouts. I have no idea how to explain being in one room one second and another the next. I was under the impression I simply spaced out for a minute or two, but apparently not.
Tomorrow I'm not going to work. I don't feel like having someone pick me up in the morning, and if I have another two hour blackout, I won't know how to explain it to my boss. Two hours. Two fucking hours. How did that happen? Why wasn't it only ten minutes or so like before? Yeah, it had gotten a little bit worse since this all started, but that was such a huge jump. Two hours.
May the 19th, 2014
I'm getting tired of this. Jack is coming over tomorrow. He offered to take time off of work for me. He said he'll spend the next three days with me. Took Vacation days. Said we'd “Bro it up.” He's a good friend.
I woke up “on time” this morning. A regular hour. 7:45. Was going to go to the Doctor's and have another scan, but he said it'd have to wait until tomorrow. Fine. At something like 11:00 today I was about to make lunch, and the next thing I knew it was 12:15. Not quite two hours, but still damn eerie.
As mentioned before, Jack's coming over. He said he's just going to chill. I told him to make himself at home, drink a beer, watch TV and just enjoy himself. He said he was happy to oblige to drinking free beer. All he has to do is watch me during my blackout and tell me what I was doing. Just keep an eye out for anything unusual.
May the 20th, 2014.
I forgot to mention. I got this week off. Told my boss there might be brain damage and that I shouldn't be at work. He didn't care. Never does. Jack came over and had some spooky info. Apparently, during the time I thought I blacked out(From 2:17 to 2:29 PM. Very short.) All I did was stare at Jack. He said he was very discomforted by it. He kept trying to talk to me during the blackout. He'd say my name, ask me questions. Wave. I wouldn't respond. But he said my eyes followed him all around the room. Like, I just. Stared at him. I never got up from my chair or followed him out of the room. I stayed right in place, in the exact position I was in, and just watched him. It gets creepier. He said it got really freaky when he got up to fetch another beer. He wasn't sure how long it'd last, so he got up and walked out the room, grabbed a beer from the fridge and came back in, but he said he wanted to be sneaky, so he went around and came in from another room and I was still staring at him. Like I knew he'd come in from another room, even though I shouldn't have heard him. What bothers me about this, is I wasn't acting like this before. Before I was supposedly still doing whatever I was doing, but I was forgetting about it. Now I'm doing OTHER stuff. And not remembering anything about it.
Going to bed early tonight. I have the heebie jeebies.
May the 21st, 2014
Went to the doctor's. Got the scan. Nothing. The doctor has literally NO idea what's wrong with me. He says it's the weirdest case he'd ever heard of.
Anyways. I went to bed early last night. Nine PM. Woke up at 10 AM and felt like shit. I felt like I didn't sleep at all. It's not that I couldn't sleep. I did sleep. But when I woke up, I was tired.
Jack bought a video camera while I was in the hospital. He said he's gonna record me the next time I have a blackout. He'll ask me questions and stuff during the whole thing. “It'll be fun” he said. No blackouts to report for this evening. Tomorrow is my last Jack day.
May the 22nd, 2014
I blacked out today. And Jack recorded it. And I did not like the results. And he didn't either. So I blacked out again, for 27 minutes. Jack recorded it. I did that thing again, where I stared at him and didn't stop. Jack asked me questions and I didn't respond. Didn't blink. Didn't answer. He tried clapping in front of my face. I didn't twitch or blink or anything. No reaction. Then he did that thing where he left the room. Apparently, even behind the wall. Behind the WALL, I followed him. I could see him THROUGH the wall. He even tried moving back and forth behind a wall. I still knew exactly where I was. As Jack left, he told me he was glad to help, but also glad to no longer be apart of this, and shook my hand and drove off.
May the 23rd, 2014
Sarah's dead. Apparently the night she left my house, she drove her car into a lake. The lake was over 80 miles away. She just, flat out, drove 80 miles into a lake and drowned herself. Her friends and I will hold a Memorial Service for her over the weekend. This is all so fucked.
May the 24th, 2014
I don't feel like writing today. I don't have a living family and I think I may be legally insane.
Week Four
May the 28th, 2014
I don't remember what I've done for the last few days. Everything is either fuzzy, or black.
Week Five
Jun. 4, '14
Sleep my little angel. You need rest. We all need our rest. You will be loved, eternally. For all that was, and for all that will be.
June the 4th, 2014.
I didn't write that. That's not even my handwriting. That's not even my fucking handwriting. I woke up this morning and it's fucking June. It wasn't a haze, like last time. It's all just missing. I went to bed on May 28th, last I checked. It's fucking June.
My boss left me a voicemail. I was fired, for, you know. Not contacting him for a few days. I tried telling him I don't remember the last few days. He asked for a Doctor's note. I might give him a psychiatrist's note, instead. I'm going to bed early tonight, too.
Update: I found a newspaper in my bed. It was for this morning. Which means I put it there this morning. I don't remember doing that at all. Creepier yet, an article was circled, “Kevin Johnson Newest Among Missing Children” The article describes how in the last few days, a new kid has gone missing. The town has a curfew now. I know this has something to do with me. I know it does. Kevin Johnson was apparently seven. He was in second grade. Smart kid. Reddish hair. Friendly, warm smile. I feel sick. I know this has to do with me.
June the 5th, 2014
No blackouts today. Watched cartoons all day.
June the 6th, 2014
Nothing to do today. No job. Had no blackouts. I feel like I got a full eight hour's sleep. Feeling pretty good.
June the 7th, 2014
Still no blackouts. I think I'm cured. I think I'm okay now.
Week Six
June the 8th, 2014
Still feeling fine. No blackouts. Told the guys I'd hang with 'em soon.
Jun. 9, '14
In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God but you yourselves cast out.
June 10, '14
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
Jun. 11, '14
Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.
June the 12th, 2014
I'm turning myself in. I woke up this morning and there was blood. There was another newspaper. Kids were missing. Jack is also missing. Someone left me a voicemail. Kyle, I guess. He said Jack was coming to my place. Jack is gone. Clearly I shouldn't be allowed to be free anymore. I think I need to just explain to the police it was me. Everything. I don't even know. The kids were my fault, I'm sure if it. Sarah was my fault, I'm sure of it. This is going to be my last entry. I can't handle this. I feel so sick. And so guilty. Like this is one, really long nightmare, and I don't think it's ever going to end.
Jun. 12, '14
It's over. And you will always be loved. Forever and always.
Week One
May the 4th, 2014
My day was rather dull. I woke up with a small headache at roughly 10:20 AM. My Sunday afternoon could have gone better, had I found something to do to occupy my time. At some time late in the evening, my sister called. She said she missed me, yadda yadda. I told her I was free this weekend, and would be excited to see her, but we both know that's a lie. Watched cartoons before coming to bed and writing this. Cartoons aren't as amusing as they were when I was a child.
May the 5th, 2014
My doctor prescribed me more medication. Supposedly it's to keep me from nodding off and blacking out. I suppose I should explain, since 35 years from now, I may forget about this interesting event in my life.
There's something wrong with me. I randomly black out for several minutes at a time. I don't know how long I've been doing it. Something around three weeks. It's hard to tell. All that happens is, I'll blink, and suddenly a few minutes have passed. It was scary at first. You check the clock at work, it's 11:15. You blink. It's now 11:22. The first time I noticed it, I shrugged it off as me simply spacing out, but it happened again the next day as well. Now, I spend most of the time constantly checking the time. A clock, my phone, my watch, the computer's clock. Always making sure nothing's changed.
The fifth time I noticed what'd happened, immediately wrote down what time it was, and what time I remembered it being. At the end of my shift, I came to my boss and asked if we could examine the security cameras. During the time of my black out(If you were curious, it was between 9:27 and 9:31 AM) Strange as it was, during the black out, I wasn't doing anything unusual. I was still working on a report. I apologized for wasting my boss's time, but he didn't mind.
So anyways, the medication. My doctor says he doesn't know why I'm nodding off, but he prescribed me some medication to make me more alert. It's supposedly more like a natural energy drink. He also asked me to start writing in a journal. He says by trying to remember what I did through out the day, it'll help with memorization and staying on top of things.
May the 6th, 2014
Went to work. Didn't black out at all. Came home. Watched TV. Passed out.
May the 7th, 2014
Still had a boring day.
May the 8th, 2014
At approximately 3:07 PM, I had a small black out that lasted four minutes. My boss asked me to come in on Saturday for maybe an hour and finish up a report for him. Sounds like a lot of fun and is definitely not going to be a waste of a perfectly good Saturday.
May the 9th, 2014
Friday night. Something like, 2:15 in the morning. Went to the bar with the guys. Kyle drank too much and puked. Bartender got pissed and threw us out. Anthony was our DD, so he drove us home. I got some girl's number, but it I have reason to believe it was a fake number. No fun there. Gonna catch some sleep.
May the 10th, 2014
I never came to work on Saturday. My boss called me at around noon and chewed me out. I apologized. He got over it. Nice guy. Woke up with the hangover of the century. I was actually somewhat impressed my head didn't split open. I think I deserve some sort of medal for the morning I had.
I used a Bloody Mary to recover. Fight fire with fire. Or in this case, use more alcohol to dull the pain of the old alcohol. I'm a genius. Truly.
I don't think I blacked out today, but it was hard to tell. I spent most of the day in bed watching cartoons. Sister called again at some point. Wanted me to come see her tomorrow. Told her I had something scheduled. She said she understood and wasn't upset, saying she'd ask next week instead, but her tone proved she didn't exactly approve of how I'd been acting.
Update: I think I was sleep walking. It's 3:22 in the morning. I went to bed, but woke up, standing, facing my coat closet near the front door. Back to bed I go.
Week Two
May the 11th, 2014
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Sunday was not very sunny, as the name suggests. It, in fact, rained this afternoon. My car no longer needs a car wash.
There were no blackouts today.
May the 12th, 2014
I had a black out today. It was a long one. 2:13 until 2:39. My longest yet. I was going to ask if I could look at the security tapes again, but I was worried I'd waste my boss's time. Decided against it. I did inform him I blacked out, but he said he didn't observe any unusual behavior, even saying I worked as if nothing had happened.
May the 13th, 2014
Today was pretty fucking creepy. I'm calling my doctor and getting a brain scan done. Work went fine, but when I got home, I started dinner. I put some chicken in the oven and set it for 45 minutes. Then I put on the TV and started watching. I don't remember watching any more than maybe six or seven minutes of TV. The next thing I knew, I was in my attic. I heard the sounds of my fire alarm going off. I immediately ran downstairs, turned off the oven, pulled out my now burnt dinner and tried to process what just happened. The blackout was more than an hour.
I called my doctor at some point after, but his office was closed. I told him everything that'd happened and asked him to call me in the morning. I also called my boss and told him my story as well. I won't be coming in to work tomorrow.
May the 14th, 2014
My doctor called me in and we got the scan done. The screwed up thing, is there's no visible signs of anything wrong. He has no explanation for what's happening. None. All he can recommend is to keep taking my medication(which isn't working) and to have someone drive me to work from now on, in case I black out. I'll be going to work again tomorrow morning.
May the 15th, 2014
Nothing out of the ordinary today, thankfully. I had my sister drive me to work. Guess she finally got to hang out with me. Only for 45 minutes in the morning and 45 again in the evening, but beggars can't be choosers. I offered her to stay a bit tomorrow, too, after work.
May the 16th, 2014
Last day of work before the weekend. When Sarah was done dropping me off from work, we stayed and chat a bit. Long enough for it to get too late for her to bother driving home. I told her about my black outs, the brain scan, the medication, everything. It was cool seeing her again, I suppose. Always good to be with the family a bit. Talk about life.
We haven't been the same since our parents died. Both of us felt differently about the situation. Sarah always wanted to talk to me because she felt like she had no one else. She dropped out of college with just two semesters before getting her Master's. She tried moving in with me, but I wasn't too comfortable with it. I had the opposite effect. When our parents died, all I wanted was to be left alone. I never went to college and ended up just getting an office job. Now I file reports all day and spend most of my shift at my desk getting work done. The only time I socialize is Friday night, which is when I hang out with the guys. Or, in this case, Sarah.
By the time we were done talking, it was 9:15, so I decided Sarah could crash on the couch and bail in the morning. Meanwhile, I'll see the guys tomorrow, to make up for this evening.
May the 17th, 2014
This morning was terrible for me. I felt so tired when I got up, but I had plenty of sleep. I suppose I had one too many drinks with Sarah. Sarah left this morning without saying good bye, which is kind of a bummer. A hug would have been nice. I called Kyle and asked him to drive me over to Anthony's, which is where I spent most of my Saturday. We just drank and talked about the way things “used to be” and how politics are these days. As per usual, Jack had to say something trivial like “Society is completely crumbling.” Every generation has been saying that since the dawn of societies themselves. Everyone likes to think their generation is superior and the following generations are inferior. I love Jack.
At some point, I tried calling Sarah, but she never picked up. She left her purse on the coffee table. I left her a voicemail, though, so hopefully she'll get back to me.
Week Three
May the 18th, 2014
Spent most of my day watching TV. Blacks outs are getting worse. Was out for two hours. No idea what I even did. I swear the last thing I did before blacking out was sit and watch TV, but when I woke up, I was in my bed. Like that. Watching TV. I blinked. I was laying in bed. It's really freaking me out at this point. I called my doctor and said he needs to do another scan, because I feel like I've got to have brain damage or something, at this point. Normal people don't randomly pass out.
Sarah still hasn't called me. I have no idea why. I dunno what I'd said or done to bum her out on Friday, but she hasn't called me back, she hasn't texted me, hasn't even updated her Facebook. Tried talking to Jack today but he and the guys were doing something and I didn't make contact with anyone really. I feel like I need someone to keep an eye on me during these blackouts. I have no idea how to explain being in one room one second and another the next. I was under the impression I simply spaced out for a minute or two, but apparently not.
Tomorrow I'm not going to work. I don't feel like having someone pick me up in the morning, and if I have another two hour blackout, I won't know how to explain it to my boss. Two hours. Two fucking hours. How did that happen? Why wasn't it only ten minutes or so like before? Yeah, it had gotten a little bit worse since this all started, but that was such a huge jump. Two hours.
May the 19th, 2014
I'm getting tired of this. Jack is coming over tomorrow. He offered to take time off of work for me. He said he'll spend the next three days with me. Took Vacation days. Said we'd “Bro it up.” He's a good friend.
I woke up “on time” this morning. A regular hour. 7:45. Was going to go to the Doctor's and have another scan, but he said it'd have to wait until tomorrow. Fine. At something like 11:00 today I was about to make lunch, and the next thing I knew it was 12:15. Not quite two hours, but still damn eerie.
As mentioned before, Jack's coming over. He said he's just going to chill. I told him to make himself at home, drink a beer, watch TV and just enjoy himself. He said he was happy to oblige to drinking free beer. All he has to do is watch me during my blackout and tell me what I was doing. Just keep an eye out for anything unusual.
May the 20th, 2014.
I forgot to mention. I got this week off. Told my boss there might be brain damage and that I shouldn't be at work. He didn't care. Never does. Jack came over and had some spooky info. Apparently, during the time I thought I blacked out(From 2:17 to 2:29 PM. Very short.) All I did was stare at Jack. He said he was very discomforted by it. He kept trying to talk to me during the blackout. He'd say my name, ask me questions. Wave. I wouldn't respond. But he said my eyes followed him all around the room. Like, I just. Stared at him. I never got up from my chair or followed him out of the room. I stayed right in place, in the exact position I was in, and just watched him. It gets creepier. He said it got really freaky when he got up to fetch another beer. He wasn't sure how long it'd last, so he got up and walked out the room, grabbed a beer from the fridge and came back in, but he said he wanted to be sneaky, so he went around and came in from another room and I was still staring at him. Like I knew he'd come in from another room, even though I shouldn't have heard him. What bothers me about this, is I wasn't acting like this before. Before I was supposedly still doing whatever I was doing, but I was forgetting about it. Now I'm doing OTHER stuff. And not remembering anything about it.
Going to bed early tonight. I have the heebie jeebies.
May the 21st, 2014
Went to the doctor's. Got the scan. Nothing. The doctor has literally NO idea what's wrong with me. He says it's the weirdest case he'd ever heard of.
Anyways. I went to bed early last night. Nine PM. Woke up at 10 AM and felt like shit. I felt like I didn't sleep at all. It's not that I couldn't sleep. I did sleep. But when I woke up, I was tired.
Jack bought a video camera while I was in the hospital. He said he's gonna record me the next time I have a blackout. He'll ask me questions and stuff during the whole thing. “It'll be fun” he said. No blackouts to report for this evening. Tomorrow is my last Jack day.
May the 22nd, 2014
I blacked out today. And Jack recorded it. And I did not like the results. And he didn't either. So I blacked out again, for 27 minutes. Jack recorded it. I did that thing again, where I stared at him and didn't stop. Jack asked me questions and I didn't respond. Didn't blink. Didn't answer. He tried clapping in front of my face. I didn't twitch or blink or anything. No reaction. Then he did that thing where he left the room. Apparently, even behind the wall. Behind the WALL, I followed him. I could see him THROUGH the wall. He even tried moving back and forth behind a wall. I still knew exactly where I was. As Jack left, he told me he was glad to help, but also glad to no longer be apart of this, and shook my hand and drove off.
May the 23rd, 2014
Sarah's dead. Apparently the night she left my house, she drove her car into a lake. The lake was over 80 miles away. She just, flat out, drove 80 miles into a lake and drowned herself. Her friends and I will hold a Memorial Service for her over the weekend. This is all so fucked.
May the 24th, 2014
I don't feel like writing today. I don't have a living family and I think I may be legally insane.
Week Four
May the 28th, 2014
I don't remember what I've done for the last few days. Everything is either fuzzy, or black.
Week Five
Jun. 4, '14
Sleep my little angel. You need rest. We all need our rest. You will be loved, eternally. For all that was, and for all that will be.
June the 4th, 2014.
I didn't write that. That's not even my handwriting. That's not even my fucking handwriting. I woke up this morning and it's fucking June. It wasn't a haze, like last time. It's all just missing. I went to bed on May 28th, last I checked. It's fucking June.
My boss left me a voicemail. I was fired, for, you know. Not contacting him for a few days. I tried telling him I don't remember the last few days. He asked for a Doctor's note. I might give him a psychiatrist's note, instead. I'm going to bed early tonight, too.
Update: I found a newspaper in my bed. It was for this morning. Which means I put it there this morning. I don't remember doing that at all. Creepier yet, an article was circled, “Kevin Johnson Newest Among Missing Children” The article describes how in the last few days, a new kid has gone missing. The town has a curfew now. I know this has something to do with me. I know it does. Kevin Johnson was apparently seven. He was in second grade. Smart kid. Reddish hair. Friendly, warm smile. I feel sick. I know this has to do with me.
June the 5th, 2014
No blackouts today. Watched cartoons all day.
June the 6th, 2014
Nothing to do today. No job. Had no blackouts. I feel like I got a full eight hour's sleep. Feeling pretty good.
June the 7th, 2014
Still no blackouts. I think I'm cured. I think I'm okay now.
Week Six
June the 8th, 2014
Still feeling fine. No blackouts. Told the guys I'd hang with 'em soon.
Jun. 9, '14
In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God but you yourselves cast out.
June 10, '14
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
Jun. 11, '14
Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.
June the 12th, 2014
I'm turning myself in. I woke up this morning and there was blood. There was another newspaper. Kids were missing. Jack is also missing. Someone left me a voicemail. Kyle, I guess. He said Jack was coming to my place. Jack is gone. Clearly I shouldn't be allowed to be free anymore. I think I need to just explain to the police it was me. Everything. I don't even know. The kids were my fault, I'm sure if it. Sarah was my fault, I'm sure of it. This is going to be my last entry. I can't handle this. I feel so sick. And so guilty. Like this is one, really long nightmare, and I don't think it's ever going to end.
Jun. 12, '14
It's over. And you will always be loved. Forever and always.
EDIT: Okay. I thought I could upload it, but I don't think I can. And on here it's hard to see I made changes to the handwriting by using different fonts. I'll Italicize.