So, uh. I have to write a personal statement.

[BumblebeeCody*]

Oh UCAS, still imposing that 4,000 character limit. 

This first draft already sounds strong, you're definitely going in the right direction.
I've made some changes, feel free to ask me any question you want.

Strange because my UCAS didn't have a limit, it was written in a seperate document that you posted; similar to a CV.

In regards to Retrolinkxs personal statement, I find that it focuses and repeats the subject of "wanting to join" too much. This is probably due to what your course tutor may have said or other advice from other sources.

I was in the exact same position as you 4(ish) years ago. Wanting to study Computer Science and had to write a personal statement. Mine is very informal and doesn't so much talk about the subject as much as it is more of an "about me" introduction. I didn't talk so much about computer science as it was is more of explaining who I am and what I do, while coming back to the computer science aspect at the end.

See, mine is complete shit and I still got in:
(Feel free to take it apart)

Spoiler

Since I was at a young age, I have often had an interest in IT, whether it be with games, desktops, software or programming. My Father was also an influence on me because he also worked with and built many computers and I was often involved in the process and this love of computing has only strengthened.

In A levels I took Maths, media and IT. I find that these subjects all contribute to computer design. The mathematical side of computer science is a key aspect and one in which I am confident as for game design it is often to do with rules, coding and numerics. Media helps me get a broader understanding of all types of media (Games, Films, Print, Internet) and how they affect audiences, get messages across and how they are presented and how they are made up. However A levels didn’t work out for me and I am currently taking BTEC IT National Diploma at West Herts College.

I have been recently employed by Manpower in which I work in a warehouse moving items around. I use the same skills at college as I do to at work. Among these are: Staying focused, thinking about the rewards, making the most of my time, staying positive and making sure the work gets done to a top quality standard. However I find that college and work are similar. I enjoy working independently however, I am a great people person and I get on very well with others. Working with a group to overcome an obstacle is a great challenge and it is interesting to hear how other people view the target. These skills also affect my own lifestyle. I am very self-sufficient and have to take responsibility for myself, which has made me more organised.

I view myself as someone to be on the creative side of life. I cope well with pressure and can remain calm at all times. Despite my attitude to life I do have a serious attitude too, especially when it comes to important issues and work. I have implemented this into education, hobbies and life in general; when it comes to education I have taken up subjects such as Art, (Outside Photography) Graphics, IT and Music. It has been noticed by teachers and peers that I have a very creative and interesting outlook. I think this is because I like to do a lot of designing and art related work outside school which keeps my interest high. I find it fascinating how it is possible to create a fictional universe whether it is being a game, film or art piece and have an emotion attached or a sense of feeling.

Outside of school I have found hobbies which I can express myself in. I have recently joined an Aikido club in London, as I have been interested in Martial Arts and did Karate and Judo when I was younger but plan to study Aikido further. I also took up guitar for 7 years but stopped just before GCSE’s to concentrate on my studies. I have taken up many sports in the past such as: Basketball, Skateboarding, Martial Arts and football. I have taken part in E-sports competitions which revolves around gaming and competitive play.

The reason I have chosen to go to University and study further is because, like I said before, I want to get the most from life. I want to become a game designer and start taking on large scale games. I have already created my own indie games in my spare time and created mey own programs, this comes back me being creative and being eager to learn. Already I've studied: machine code, Java, Python, C#, C++, Ada and more. Computing and Games are a big influence on me, so being able to study about a subject I enjoy and partake in would be a fantastic opportunity.

I'm not being modest either, it's terrible but when it comes to addressing people whether formal or not, I'm very relaxed and laid back while still articulate in bringing myself across(as is my CV, even making jokes).

It's funny because after Uni when I went to an interview at my (now current) job as a software developer, my CEO and I spent the majority of the interview talking about Motorhead and Queen. My point being that you may not need to hammer in the "I wanna be a coding wizard in [insert sector here]" and that you're more than a robot who wants to do computer science but someone who does other activities that may not even be related to the field.

It's a good personal statement but every paragraph is basically the same thing. There's nothing wrong with stating what you do outside that may not even be related to CS. I often look at my own CV/PS as if I was an employer. It's great to know you're hard working but I wanna know about you. Even then, maybe your Uni does want someone to send in a Personal Statement that narrowed down, in which case, ignore me.

Also, while not necessary, if you have any additional projects or industry related work such as: small indie games, events you've attended, people within the industry (all computer science sectors), your own personal projects in languages etc are worth talking about in an interview. It most likely won't happen, but having them to show a for future reference is always a potential bonus. (See Portfolios)

Stating what you like and why you like it is a must for everything really.

Lastly
1) Depending on your course, CS Degrees generally don't branch off into game design until the second year. First year is a breeze though
2) (This may not be for you) but while I love gaming, heck we're on a gaming forum, I found that "don't make your hobby your career" couldn't be any truer. Not trying to scare you off at all but it's how I felt about gaming design after starting Uni. I didn't even take the game design branch. I studied everything outside of that such as CSA (Computer Systems Architecture) and FoC (Foundations of Computations) while still making indie games on the side (I'm "working" in Unity on a project....when I have the motivation after doing 8 hours of software development work).

As I said earlier, I went through the exact same thing so feel free to ask on what to expect from a CS degree or if you need any specific help.