What do you get when you put a rabbit in a barber shop?

A bad hare day. 

I got into an argument with Picasso once, and he threatened to rearrange my face.

was an at the center of a Toronto city courtroom where I challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of me. I told them I have a history of being beaten by my parents so the judge initially awarded custody to my aunt, However, I surprised the court when I told that my aunt beat me more than my parents. I refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that I live with his grandparents, I told them they had also beat me. . After two recesses to check legal references & confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody of me to the Toronto Maple Leafs, whom they firmly believe are not capable of beating anyone.

Two seasons were in the cabinet in the kitchen, salt and pepper. Salt tells Pepper its gonna be windy, pepper doesn't believe him until he sneezes. Last words for pepper from salt until he hit the floor? 'See you next fall'. 

A roman walks into a bar, raises two fingers and says "five drinks please."

A liar, a cheater, and a murderer walk into a bar.
The New England Patriots are in town for a drink.

Helen Keller walks into a bar. Then a table. And a chair.

What do you call a walking nun? A Roamin' Catholic

Seriously Though, this made me think of you. Although, I have no idea which team you favor.

(06-07-2015, 12:38 PM)Kakariko Kid Wrote: Seriously Though, this made new think of you. Although, I have no idea which team you favor.

As a staunch supporter of my Gallic homeland, this is doubly hilarious.

In the same vein.
What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup ?


A referee

(I love you really and forever, Englanders)

I usually don't get new and odd foods, but I bought some deer balls from the store today. I couldn't resist them though, they were under a buck.

(06-14-2015, 08:17 AM)CosmykTheDolfyn Wrote: I usually don't get new and odd foods, but I bought some deer balls from the store today.  I couldn't resist them though, they were under a buck.

I applaud you for that joke. Being from Tennessee and someone who likes to eat venison, I should have put that in this thread long ago.

I met Van Gogh today and he seemed really distressed. He wanted me to lend an ear.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

I recently bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I'm not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day