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Official "Beware of Cuccos" Lore Thread
#91
Many days had past and a stark confusion had fallen upon the land. Psycho and Ghost had been reunited and promptly plotted for a way to deal with Cuccos, but she was nowhere to be found. It would take the resurgence of one man to stir the tide, and that man was ,figuratively speaking, A Zombie Riot. Riot, the man of fallen hour had risen again after hearing of the misdeeds of Cuccos. He would not beware, and yet things were still now, as they were before the great tide of change, so no one acted, and justice was left unanswered. After all, who better to scare off a Cucco than a Cucco?
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#92
Jumping out of the sewer and running at breakneck pace, SERIOUSLY THOUGH and Jiraya ran towards the city, hoping to flee the robot Petie had sent to escort themselves to his corporation. Making off towards the city, SERIOUSLY made a stunning observation, "Wait a second, if that thing was beckoned, why isn't it following us and your oozing pile of puss?" he stated to Jiraya, looking back towards the sewer grate and noticing a distinct lack of bloodthirsty robot behind them. Jiraya, using his new Mattel brand voice chip, had his speakers say in the perfect innocent teddy bear voice "I love you! No wait, fuck that. RAIDEN!" he screamed in all of his murderous cyborg assassin cuteness. They ran back towards the pipe and the robot was hunched over Raiden. With Petie still plastered on the screen, he began talking in his undeniably sexy voice. "Just give me the beard Raiden, it will be nice and easy." he said in a cool tone.
Lying there helpless against an armed android, still horribly injured, Raiden looked over to SERIOUSLY THOUGH and Jiraya, seeing them watch in helpless terror.
After noticing that they came back, Raiden chucked and, mustering all of his strength, uttered one last bearded proclimation.

"Go fuck yourself, Petie. Or do you not have a dick for that anymore my sweetie?"

With that abysmal rhyme, Raiden was done. Pulling out his magnum with surprising swiftness, Raiden shot at a structural weakpoint in the ceiling, causing the tunnel to collapse on the both of them.

SERIOUSLY THOUGH just stood there, motionless. No rhymes, no muttering, nothing. Jiraya had to physically grab him and carry him out of there. "Let's be best friends! God dammit, come on. We need to find some of the others before they get picked off too."




Looking over the collapsed pipe, a man with very peculiar taste in masks bent down over the corpse and picked off a nice sample of beard hairs.
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#93
Many weeks passed. Many a man fell under the radar. The coming weeks would fall silent. Psycho would encounter Jiraiya once, and he conferred his knowledge. The Cucco was genetically cloned. They were literally all the same.
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#94
The great break as it was called was more or less intentional really. Cuccos had to plan, Petie needed recover, the others needed to band together, their newfound mortality all too clear. Really, it benefitted everyone. It was just too calm. Psycho didn't like that.
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#95
(09-08-2013, 02:28 PM)Arjahn Wrote: Ech, sorry for the delay, I really overestimated the amount of free time I had for shocking Cuccos expose writing now that school has begun, IT'S COMING DAMMIT STOP PUSHING ME, YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL DAD HENRY!

My dad's name is Henry.

Y'all are awesome.
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#96
So, I now am in posession of a one hour webcam video and a one hour audio file of me reading all of Cuccos lore in a single dry, unrehearsed run. Time for editing and uploading!

Here is all the text I read, so you can read along. Also, I don't like the way I got Cucco's voice (that's right, I gave everyone an individual voice)
https://soundcloud.com/cosmykthedolfyn/b...uccos-lore
I must also say I originally planned on doing it as a video, but it's too much to edit and upload. Just soundcloud.

I am uploading a video of myself reading also to youtube now, if that's what you all prefer. Hour long. Same audio.
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#97
Can't wait to listen to this later !

EDIT - Listening to it now D: You have a really nice radio voice.
EDIT - This is amazing !
EDIT - Well that was totally worth it. CosmykTheDolphyn - BRAVO, that was some SERIOUSLY good entertainment.
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#98
Thank you. I'd say I felt the best with cingchris's voice, but I really enjoyed doing psychospacecow. It was so hard to transition voices that quickly though. There was a time I seriously considered voice acting as a profession, but it seems to be very difficult to get into, so I never tried. And, I don't have that great of a range of voices either. The jingling noises was my dog's collar, btw.
And there is no easy I can post the full video on my home internet, my upload speed is too slow.
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#99
I sound good. You sound good.
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Anyone remember the movie Sandlot? I'm thinking it would be hilarious to make a Cuccos parody out of the "Legend of the Beast" story.
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Psycho sat still at the sight of such uneasy peace. He didn't quite know what to think. It was neither chaotic or friendly. This was bad. So, being the thing that he embodied in name, he set out to find Jiraiya, and forged a cucco killing disease. The fact that cuccos were cloned meant their genetic diversity was nill. They would all fall to the same disease, like bananas.
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT MY BABIES

(11-07-2013, 05:30 PM)Hexadecimal Wrote: Anyone remember the movie Sandlot? I'm thinking it would be hilarious to make a Cuccos parody out of the "Legend of the Beast" story.

BAHAHAHA genius.
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SERIOUSLY and Jiraya were lost, broken and despaired. The Raiden incident had only happened a few hours ago, but to them it seemed like at least nine months COUGH COUGH. "Water, I need water if this day is walk is to be any longer." SERIOUSLY said, dragging his charred legs on the crumbling husk of a roadway. "ACCORDING TO MY COOLMAPS 4 KIDS!™ PROGRAM, WE'RE STILL WITHIN THE OUTER LIMITS OF THE FORUM." Jiraya exclaimed in his newly-Hawkened voice pack. All around them, sporatic bits of text and pixels could be seen whizzing around in bizarre directions.

"Hey Jiraya," SERIOUSLY began, "According to this flya', someone posted about DRM servers hosted. Sim City? Well that sounds downright shitty. What's the haps with all of these screen caps?". "I DO NOT KNOW" Jiraya exclaimed with a sigh of either Mid-90's alternative rock or disappointment. "WAIT, I HAVE LOCATED A TAPE WITH INFORMATION ON THE FORUM STRUCTURE, PERHAPS IT COULD PROVIDE SOME CLARITY." The synthetic creature reached into his kneecap, seemingly feeling no pain from the motion, and produced a cassette tape labled "Forum Origins/Turtle Mating Rituals". The second he popped it into his lower spinal column, a routine procedure of course, a static-sounding news reel began to play through the speakers located in Jiraya's left ass cheek and right face cheek accordingly.

"More on the tragic ThePlainGamer murder-suicide at eleven. On a slightly brighter note, we now turn our faces towards this proud forums half-quarter birthday. Head Anchor ShadeDBZ has the story" a female newscaster read with discernibly false interest in the matter. "Thanks Tigerlilly, now we all know that the VGFacts forum has a proud history of people kind of talking about videogames and mostly complaining about remakes and why EA is almost as bad as Hitler, but what many of us don't know, is how the forums structure themselves. As you can see by this hastily constructed news graphic, as new posts are created, old ones are shoved outwards, creating the Forum Circles.

Take, for example, one of the earlier posts in which this weirdo with a Furret avatar whined about the forum colors. Sure it started out in the Alpha Circle, when the forums were first created and just about anything could make it to the top, but as time moves on and the public's focus shifts to hilarious comics about Nintendo characters, this old post needs to be put out to pasture, otherwise the circles would become clogged and unstable. Thankfully, city engineer and renowned bridge demolisher Petie devised an ingenious method of organizing these would-be obstacles. Now whenever a new post is created, a specialized team of officials rates the content, determining its potential for discussion and placing it in its appropriate circle. Fantastic posts, such as Petie Gets Married or Bridge Demolition 101 with Petie guest starring Christian Slater with great promises for discussion are obviously placed in the Alpha Circle. Alright posts, such as Check out this Zelda thing! or What's your favorite game/movie/protagonist/antagonist/user/bathrobe/fruit/person/religiousoligarchy... with moderate potential for discussion, are placed in Circle 2. Posts with very little potential, such as "Did nintendo really kill my dad and if not why won't dad come home :( are sorted into The Circle The Third; and garbage posts with spam or complete nonsense, such as Help I think Petie sent his goons to my house and The sorting system is rig---- are placed in Quadrilateral Circle."

"Thanks to this brilliant method of filtering content, the Administrators can easily allocate resources to appropriately buzzing portions of the forums, saving users on both time and hassle. With the 7:37 News at Eleven, I'm I.C. Weiner."
he finished, taking an enormous gulp of air. "Thanks Dick, next up, is Cancer really that bad if you get a cool haircut with it? The answer may surprise you!"

BZZZT. Jiraya popped out the tape, carefully placing it back in the porno-stash located behind his patella. " Well that would explain it, at least a tid bit." SERIOUSLY began with another terrific line, "We're in the outermost circle, torn and in shambles. With nothing but old post about Urkle and Donkey Kong's Brambles".

They began to take in their surroundings more thoroughly now, decrepit buildings and poorly maintained roads as far as the eye (or robotic magic eight ball socket for that matter) could see. The grim dust of desolation and poverty coated everything in a grime of despair, broken street signs in the lawns of houses with boarded windows. "Geeze, everyone must've bolted from here like mucus from a sneeze." SERIOUSLY remarked, taking in a breath of oily air. "CONFIRMED, NO LIFE SIGNS DETECTED WITHIN RANGE. NO HUMANS, ASTRONOMIC BOVINES OR CUCCOS." Jiraya remarked after his WondeRadar™ had completed its scan.
They continued down the road in relative silence for hours, making idle chit chat about Pokemon and the ethical ramifications of removing Jiraya's soul from his corporeal being, when all of a sudden the cyborg's patented Mountain Dew Skeleton-Locator™ began to buzz "Woah dude, looks like someone forgot to take his daily dose of vitamin-DEW!" the ad said, pointing towards a decrepit pink house.

While the exterior of the building looked like some humorous analogy for poop, with graffiti spelling out "FURRET LOV3R" encompassing the walls, the inside was quite the refreshing change in atmosphere. It was fairly clean and sterile, you know, aside from the rotting corpse on the ground next to a plate of some delicious pastry. "Oh my, looks as though someone had a little too much pie" SERIOUSLY said, leaning in to examine the body. Jiraya, meanwhile, wandered through the house, which was surprisingly barren for how well maintained it appeared to be. As he meandered from room to useless room, he finally reached the master bedroom, and on the bed layed an enormous leather-bound book with a red, ominous comic-sans title.


THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF ARJAHN
ALSO KNOWN AS ARJAHN AND THE SORCERER'S STONE
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(08-12-2014, 12:48 AM)Arjahn Wrote: SERIOUSLY and Jiraya were lost, broken and despaired. The Raiden incident had only happened a few hours ago, but to them it seemed like at least nine months COUGH COUGH. "Water, I need water if this day is walk is to be any longer." SERIOUSLY said, dragging his charred legs on the crumbling husk of a roadway. "ACCORDING TO MY COOLMAPS 4 KIDS!™ PROGRAM, WE'RE STILL WITHIN THE OUTER LIMITS OF THE FORUM." Jiraya exclaimed in his newly-Hawkened voice pack. All around them, sporatic bits of text and pixels could be seen whizzing around in bizarre directions.

"Hey Jiraya," SERIOUSLY began, "According to this flya', someone posted about DRM servers hosted. Sim City? Well that sounds downright shitty. What's the haps with all of these screen caps?". "I DO NOT KNOW" Jiraya exclaimed with a sigh of either Mid-90's alternative rock or disappointment. "WAIT, I HAVE LOCATED A TAPE WITH INFORMATION ON THE FORUM STRUCTURE, PERHAPS IT COULD PROVIDE SOME CLARITY." The synthetic creature reached into his kneecap, seemingly feeling no pain from the motion, and produced a cassette tape labled "Forum Origins/Turtle Mating Rituals". The second he popped it into his lower spinal column, a routine procedure of course, a static-sounding news reel began to play through the speakers located in Jiraya's left ass cheek and right face cheek accordingly.

"More on the tragic ThePlainGamer murder-suicide at eleven. On a slightly brighter note, we now turn our faces towards this proud forums half-quarter birthday. Head Anchor ShadeDBZ has the story" a female newscaster read with discernibly false interest in the matter. "Thanks Tigerlilly, now we all know that the VGFacts forum has a proud history of people kind of talking about videogames and mostly complaining about remakes and why EA is almost as bad as Hitler, but what many of us don't know, is how the forums structure themselves. As you can see by this hastily constructed news graphic, as new posts are created, old ones are shoved outwards, creating the Forum Circles.

Take, for example, one of the earlier posts in which this weirdo with a Furret avatar whined about the forum colors. Sure it started out in the Alpha Circle, when the forums were first created and just about anything could make it to the top, but as time moves on and the public's focus shifts to hilarious comics about Nintendo characters, this old post needs to be put out to pasture, otherwise the circles would become clogged and unstable. Thankfully, city engineer and renowned bridge demolisher Petie devised an ingenious method of organizing these would-be obstacles. Now whenever a new post is created, a specialized team of officials rates the content, determining its potential for discussion and placing it in its appropriate circle. Fantastic posts, such as Petie Gets Married or Bridge Demolition 101 with Petie guest starring Christian Slater with great promises for discussion are obviously placed in the Alpha Circle. Alright posts, such as Check out this Zelda thing! or What's your favorite game/movie/protagonist/antagonist/user/bathrobe/fruit/person/religiousoligarchy... with moderate potential for discussion, are placed in Circle 2. Posts with very little potential, such as "Did nintendo really kill my dad and if not why won't dad come home :( are sorted into The Circle The Third; and garbage posts with spam or complete nonsense, such as Help I think Petie sent his goons to my house and The sorting system is rig---- are placed in Quadrilateral Circle."

"Thanks to this brilliant method of filtering content, the Administrators can easily allocate resources to appropriately buzzing portions of the forums, saving users on both time and hassle. With the 7:37 News at Eleven, I'm I.C. Weiner."
he finished, taking an enormous gulp of air. "Thanks Dick, next up, is Cancer really that bad if you get a cool haircut with it? The answer may surprise you!"

BZZZT. Jiraya popped out the tape, carefully placing it back in the porno-stash located behind his patella. " Well that would explain it, at least a tid bit." SERIOUSLY began with another terrific line, "We're in the outermost circle, torn and in shambles. With nothing but old post about Urkle and Donkey Kong's Brambles".

They began to take in their surroundings more thoroughly now, decrepit buildings and poorly maintained roads as far as the eye (or robotic magic eight ball socket for that matter) could see. The grim dust of desolation and poverty coated everything in a grime of despair, broken street signs in the lawns of houses with boarded windows. "Geeze, everyone must've bolted from here like mucus from a sneeze." SERIOUSLY remarked, taking in a breath of oily air. "CONFIRMED, NO LIFE SIGNS DETECTED WITHIN RANGE. NO HUMANS, ASTRONOMIC BOVINES OR CUCCOS." Jiraya remarked after his WondeRadar™ had completed its scan.
They continued down the road in relative silence for hours, making idle chit chat about Pokemon and the ethical ramifications of removing Jiraya's soul from his corporeal being, when all of a sudden the cyborg's patented Mountain Dew Skeleton-Locator™ began to buzz "Woah dude, looks like someone forgot to take his daily dose of vitamin-DEW!" the ad said, pointing towards a decrepit pink house.

While the exterior of the building looked like some humorous analogy for poop, with graffiti spelling out "FURRET LOV3R" encompassing the walls, the inside was quite the refreshing change in atmosphere. It was fairly clean and sterile, you know, aside from the rotting corpse on the ground next to a plate of some delicious pastry. "Oh my, looks as though someone had a little too much pie" SERIOUSLY said, leaning in to examine the body. Jiraya, meanwhile, wandered through the house, which was surprisingly barren for how well maintained it appeared to be. As he meandered from room to useless room, he finally reached the master bedroom, and on the bed layed an enormous leather-bound book with a red, ominous comic-sans title.


THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF ARJAHN
ALSO KNOWN AS ARJAHN AND THE SORCERER'S STONE

There needs to be some artwork of this.
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(08-13-2014, 09:14 PM)Carlos Wrote:
(08-12-2014, 12:48 AM)Arjahn Wrote: AMAZING LITERATURE

There needs to be some artwork of this.

Done.
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