I got tickets to the opening of a new zoo. When I got there there wasn't any animals except for a single dog. It was a Shih Tzu.

"Hey Guile, what's the worst sonic game ever?"

SONIC BOOM

I bet nobody will get this joke: How do you kill a witch? Super Smash Bros. patch 1.1.6

What would you see if a Game Grump jumped off a cliff in Tennessee?

Ross's Landing

I instantly regret this joke. I was half asleep.

A neutron walks into a bar. 'How much for a drink here, anyway?' To which the bartender responds, 'For you, no charge'.

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" are often used interchangeably...

...but never at a funeral...

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

My dad and I were driving past a cemetery, when suddenly my dad said in a serious toned voice

"I know something you don't know about this place. The people living in this town aren't allowed to be buried in here"

And i was really confused so i asked why and he said: "Because they are still alive."

I have a horse named mayo...Mayo neighs.

(11-19-2016, 01:50 PM)Space Jockey Wrote: I have a horse named mayo...Mayo neighs.

Wow, that's cheesy. Like my children expecting that kind of joke from me cheesy. Bravo. Kakariko approved.

An American, an Indian, and a Russian are sent to Hell and plead to the Devil that they don't belong there. The Devil, bored, makes them an offer: "I will strike you 3 times with my whip, and if you survive, I'll let you go. You can use anything you want as a shield."

The American goes first. He builds a high-tech shield from depleted uranium and composites, and hides behind it. The Devil strikes once - the shield cracks; twice - the shield falls apart; thrice - the American is no more.

Next goes the Indian. He puts himself in some sort of advanced Yoga position and goes into deep meditation. The Devil strikes once - nothing; twice - the Indian shivers a bit; thrice - the Indian grunts, but lives. The Devil is amazed and tells him he's free to go.

The Indian asks "May I stay and watch? In all these jokes the Russians somehow come out on top. I want to see how he will do it this time." The Devil nods and turns to the Russian: "So, what will you use as a shield?"

The Russian: "The Indian, of course."

(12-03-2016, 10:53 AM)Space Jockey Wrote: An American, an Indian, and a Russian are sent to Hell and plead to the Devil that they don't belong there. The Devil, bored, makes them an offer: "I will strike you 3 times with my whip, and if you survive, I'll let you go. You can use anything you want as a shield."

The American goes first. He builds a high-tech shield from depleted uranium and composites, and hides behind it. The Devil strikes once - the shield cracks; twice - the shield falls apart; thrice - the American is no more.

Next goes the Indian. He puts himself in some sort of advanced Yoga position and goes into deep meditation. The Devil strikes once - nothing; twice - the Indian shivers a bit; thrice - the Indian grunts, but lives. The Devil is amazed and tells him he's free to go.

The Indian asks "May I stay and watch? In all these jokes the Russians somehow come out on top. I want to see how he will do it this time." The Devil nods and turns to the Russian: "So, what will you use as a shield?"

The Russian: "The Indian, of course."

American pig, Indian, and glorious Russian hero sent to hell despite do nothing wrong. Bored devil (probably other American) say "I whip you three time. If survive, you go away, yes? You are allow shield use."

The American capitalist, he say he go first. Make big shield, think big is better. Devil hit one time, and shield is crack. Devil hit two time, shield is kill. Devil hit three time, and American, he dissapear. Great success.

Indian say go next. He make look like pretzel. I say he is just sleep. Devil hit one time, no effect. Devil hit two time, no effect again. Three time and Indian wake up nap. Devil is surprise and say "Indian go away".

Indian is remain to ask watch to see glorious Russian hero come out top, like always in the history. The devil, he has nod and ask glorious Russian hero what he use for shield.

Glorious Russian hero, eminent intellect in brain, say "Indian, of course."

Such is life in Moscow.

^ in my head, while I read this, was it suppose to sound like a Russian was speaking?

Did you hear about the guy who invented Knock-Knock jokes?

He won the no bell prize!