Clever Joke Thread

[CosmykTheDolfyn]

Capital letters can really change a sentence.
For example:
I only write in notebooks vs I ONLY WRITE IN CAPITAL LETTERS.

[CLXcool]

An Xbox One and a Ps4 were fighting in a boxing ring. What's the call of emergency whenever a console is hurt? WIII UUUU WIII UUUUU WIIII UUUUU!!!!!!!!

[gamemaster1991]

How do you find radioactive aliens?

Use a Giger counter.

[CLXcool]

A stiff man in a bar orders himself a ginger ale. The barkeep then points to a redheaded, knowing that he is drunk from so many drinks of beer. The stiff man then says 'sir, i said ale, not pale red".

[gamemaster1991]

What do you call a group of deaf people?

A Herd.

[The Antagonist]

"One time we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.

We called it a bullshit."

Dumb and Dumber quote.

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

Remenber kids: never trust an atom, they make up everything!!

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

Here's a joke in Spanish:

¿Cómo se dice "ojos" en inglés?

 "eyes"

 ¿Pero ice no era hielo?

 No, yellow es amarillo.

[gamemaster1991]

I robbed a nearsighted man blind. He didn't see it coming.

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

"Three tomatoes are walking down the street- a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him... and says, Catch up." - Mia Wallace (Pulp Fiction)

[gamemaster1991]

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

So a woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for cyanide.

The pharmacist looked stunned and couldn't believe what she had asked for but he was still curious.

"Why would you want to get cyanide?"

The women replied, "My husband has been having an affair and I want to poison him."

The pharmacist tried to reason with the woman, " I can't do this for you. I would lose my license and you and I would go to prison for this."

Then the woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband and a woman going into a motel. Upon closer inspection the woman in the picture was the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looks at the woman and says, "Why didn't you just say you had a prescription?"

[gamemaster1991]

Why's it so hard to solve a redneck murder?

There's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

Goku: Hey Vegeta, do you want to hear a joke?

Vegeta: ok

Goku: Super Saiyan 3

Vegeta: I didn't get it

Goku: Exactly

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

How would you split the Roman Empire in half?

With a pair of Caesars.