Clever Joke Thread

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time and a well known art critic is in attendance.

Art critic: "would you like my opinion on your work?"

Young artist: "Yes"

Art critic: "It's worthless,"

Young artitst: "I know, but tell me anyway."

The next day after the exhibition outr young artist takes the painting to a dealer.

The dealer offers him $20 for it.

Young artist: "But the canvas cost me more than that!"

Dealer: "Sure, but it wasn't painted on then."

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

How do moles connect to the Internet?
It's hard to get broadband underground, so they still use mole-dems.

What’s a mole’s favorite type of alcoholic beverage?
Mole-t liquor

[SERIOUSLY THOUGH*]

How do moles connect to the Internet?
It's hard to get broadband underground, so they still use mole-dems.

What’s a mole’s favorite type of alcoholic beverage?
Mole-t liquor

 
My man

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

How many bugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two, but so far none have ever gotten in. Damned if they won't keep trying though.

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

What don't you ever hear about pirate moles?
Because they dig down to their treasure and then just stay there.

How do you measure the concentration of a very unique species of mole in a given area?
You just perform a quantitative analysis to measure their molerarity.

[gamemaster1991]

The father of a little girl was shopping for a Barbie for his daughter. At the toy store, after looking for a bit, he goes up to the clerk and asks "Does Barbie come with Ken?".
The clerk replied, "No, Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She just fakes it with Ken."

[CosmykTheDolfyn]

Did y'all know that it takes two years for a single pineapple to grow? 2 years for one single freakin pineapple.
I hear married pineapples grow faster though.

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

A snail goes to buy a car, and the salesman is surprised when the snail picks out a fast, expensive sports car. He’s even more surprised when the snail requires that a big red “S” be painted on both sides.
“Why would you want such a thing?” asked the salesman. The snail then replied: “Well, when people see me driving around town, I want to hear them to say... 'hey, look at that S car go!'"

---

What do you call it when you have two snails getting towed behind a boat with a parachute on?
Pair-a-snailing.

[CosmykTheDolfyn]

A snail goes to buy a car, and the salesman is surprised when the snail picks out a fast, expensive sports car. He’s even more surprised when the snail requires that a big red “S” be painted on both sides.
“Why would you want such a thing?” asked the salesman. The snail then replied: “Well, when people see me driving around town, I want to hear them to say... 'hey, look at that S car go!'"

---

What do you call it when you have two snails getting towed behind a boat with a parachute on?
Pair-a-snailing.

I just felt like adding that Japan has taken this pun even further: behold the Nissan S-Cargo, the minivan purposely built to look like a snail!

[Psychospacecow]

Launch in Dragon Ball drove a motorcycle called the S-Cargo.

[CosmykTheDolfyn]

A nurse in a hospital is preparing to write something down, but upon reaching into her pocket for her pen, she finds a rectal thermometer.

Turns out some a**hole had her pen.

[Psychospacecow]

What's a cannibal's favorite early morning wake me up?

Cup Of Joe

[KidDivinegon]

Sherlock Holmes and Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see."
Watson replied "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "What do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent!"

[KidDivinegon]

What do you call a chicken with lettuce in its eye?

Chicken Sees-a-salad

[ZpaceJ0ck0]

Why did the invisible man rejected the job offer?

Because he couldn't see himself doing it.